i've never been good with anatomy.

to be honest, i feel you in every half butterfly in my brain... or stomach... i can't quite remember the traditional location of the thing once it has injected itself into my bones.
are the butterflies in the bones?
well, you are in mine.

and someday i'll tell you to your face.
i just have to find it first.


love, love
             the one you chose to keep.


p.s.
please have dimples, and give them to our tiny humans. 

a night alone.

it looks something like this:
pouring rain, a grey pullover sweatshirt, and peppermint tea on the front porch that i will miss so much.
no voices or fancy cups.
just me and the quiet i've pitied all my life.
oh, i do love it now.

here's to moving home.

"i want to build an army of happy so strong that i can storm these neighborhood gates and never again walk down these streets remembering."

via

finals make me feisty.

i have considered stealing toilet paper from various ladies' rooms on campus. my reasons being:
a: i pay the big dollar bills to attend this school, therefore i am entitled to such priveleges.
and
b: mels and i are fresh out, and we refuse to buy more. luckily, the other basement dwellers are generous. they're good eggs.

the other day, i attempted kindness. i was stopped at a four way when some punk 16 year old kids pulled up opposite of me. it was my turn to proceed through the intersection, though they decided that i was wrong. i hit my breaks, and followed behind them politely. it was pretty big of me not to honk, and rather unusual, to tell you the truth. as we drove down the same road, two boys in the back seat hoisted their bodies out the window, and began to scream at me as if i had done them wrong. so, i did what any civil human being would do.

i flipped them the double bird, long and hard, and i didn't even feel bad about it.

today, as i walked home from school through the student center, an obnoxious red haired boy with a ridiculous green shirt, advertising his fraternity, yelled at me to give blood. he told me it would wake me up, not make me look so tired. he was such a charmer. i yelled back,

"i can't. i have herpes."

...okay, no i didn't. but i did ignore him. and that is almost as empowering.

i can't bring myself to do anything today. i can't peel myself off of this bed to clean my room up, or assemble boxes to pack my things. i can't take the pictures off of my wall, or even read. laziness. it'll take you places, right?

i can, however, listen to this  all day, forever and ever. i just bought the album, and died a little.
he's good people.

hope your day is more productive than mine is! :)

miss rachel.

 today, i have asked rachel to come post for me.

(rayo... rachel just doesn't sound right...) 

she blogs over here.

rayo and i have been friends since the beginning of time, it seems.

like, i remember attending her eighth birthday party.

i know, i know.

long time love.

she is probably the craftiest person that i know, and i love her for that.

she takes the prettiest pictures, 

and oh, she makes me laugh.

...

 

 

I'm rachel, or rayo.

your call.
It's nice to virtually meet you, sort of.
I'll tell you a little bit about me,
incase you need to buy me a birthday present or something.
(it's in 3 months just so you know) 

I have hips like a pear, brown skin like chocolate, and eyes to match.
I play the guitar, take pictures, and craft.

The title of my best friend is currently a tie between my dog and my hot glue gun.
I have a knack for taking shapeless batter, and droopy fabric,
and making something captivating out of them.
One day I plan to teach young minds to do the same.
I love puns, good music, and grilled cheese sandwiches.

I'm clumbsy, sarcastic, and happy. 

Song: Featherstone by The Paper Kites

 

cushions.

a few things happened tonight...

this, for instance. allie moss was so close, i could have touched her feet. 

i would have gotten kicked out by the bouncers, but i could have done it...

and ingrid. seriously, that voice. my gosh.

remember how i just told you how close we were?

this was the result of five long hours waiting in the sun for those spots.

 some sweet-A tan lines, yeah?

 sweaty concert love. always. 

oh.

and i fell in love. 

with harper blynn.

no, you guys. 

it's real this time.

the gentleman on the right...

i would like to have his children, i think.

anyway. 

all around, it was amaze-balls, which is usually a phrase that i try to stay away from, but when i do use it,

it is always called for.

 i heard ingrid, found the love of my life (his name is pete harper), met bess rogers, also met an albino... make that two albinos... made some crazy line friends, and snagged a set list.

DAY-UM!

aaaaand something else.

i ran into a girl tonight who i haven't seen in years.

she asked me if i remembered her, and OF COURSE i did.

she then proceeded to tell me sweet things about this little blog that i have developed.

and i just want to say this to her:

whitney tripp, if you're reading, you made my life.

end of story.

it means the world that you said something tonight.

love, courtney.

wish you all could have been with us tonight.
it really was a riot.

all work and no play.

makes courtney a dull girl.

other things that further dull me?

• picnik closing. right after i learn how to do some freakin sweet shiz on it.
• phillip pirrip not being an actual human being... and still further obsessing over him, regardless of his literary state. 
• finals week beginning two weeks before... well... actual finals week.
• machiavelli's the prince. read it. you'll want to do productive things... meaning anything else.
• not having E! stream directly to my television. i imagine hell to be a place without khloe and lamar, giuliana rancic, true hollywood stories, and joel mchale. in short, my cable=the underworld. not an over exaggeration.

however, there are a few things that don't completely suck.

such as: 

• the way wearing my navy blue raincoat makes me feel like courtniss everdeen. 
• reading the hunger games... that's right. it happened, and i can dig. 
• our prank war nemeses sincerely admitting that they had clearly underestimated us.
• battle wounds from said prank war... climbing through a 2X2 bathroom window, 8 or so feet from the ground, (unsuccessfully, and getting my hips caught in the mean time. who knew that i had regular body parts, anyway?) further proving how bad a$$ and athletically uncoordinated i am. (like i said, unsuccessful breaking and entering, but i earned that bruise fair and square.) besides, melons pulled through like a champ where i came up short. cousin love.
• my asian roommates. seriously. they just keep me guessing.  

elsa j.

hello, my dear friends.

today, i have a surprise.
most days, i wonder if you're all so bored of reading my ranting that you think you might unfriend me altogether.
and also, this blog needed some spice, you know?
hence, i have asked a few of my favorite ladies to share pieces with you of their soul.
...or, share their soul in general, rather.
...it is just bad manners to end a sentence with a preposition, though "in general" is technically a prepositional phrase...
(seriously, my upcoming grammar final is doing freaky shiz to my brain. heaven help us all.)
aaaaanyway.
the pieces that i find myself most intrigued by are those small and personal.
thus, i have asked each blogger to expose their details in word, photo, and song.

the first of my guests is miss elsa jensen.
we met four years ago at the ripe old age of 16, brought together by two gentlemen--the kind you date. we were friends through high school, and are friends now as we've moved away and started the growing up process. i love her feisty southern charm and her red hair, too. she's got an eye for all things beautiful, and i think you might adore her.

...........................................................................

 

Elsa. 

El-sa. 

Not Elise,

Not Alyssa.

Elsa. 

It's German, and so am I.  

 Scandinavian by descent, and ginger by choice.   

My brain functions in the oddest of ways, noticing tiny details and over-thinking all the many events of life.  

I am constantly compelled to travel, to spend my dollars on the next chance I have to leave the country and go somewhere the food is unusual, and a place the people will judge my tacky American accent. 

I take pictures of people with Lucy, my camera, always love a boy in a bow tie, and think that shoes say more about a person than a shirt does.  I love my Southern accent and I drink cherry coke. With popcorn.

And I have plans. BIG plans.

song: Whole Wide World, Mindy Gledhill.

.......................................................................................

told you you'd love her.
stay tuned--there's more where that came from.
guest posts might just be my new favorite thing.

it's friday,

 and i'm in love.

i found this corner of the library today...

michelangelo, titian, van eyck, renoir, and degas.

i left two hours of my day on those bookshelves,

and i don't regret it.

snippets.

"estella," said i, "do look at that fellow in the corner yonder, who is looking over here at us."
"why should I look at him?" returned estella, with her eyes on me instead. "what is there in that fellow in the corner yonder--to use your words--that I need look at?"
"indeed, that is the very question I want to ask you," said i. "for he has been hovering about you all night."
"moths, and all sorts of ugly creatures," replied estella, with a glance towards him, "hover about a lighted candle. can the candle help it?"

“out of my thoughts! you are part of my existence, part of myself. you have been in every line i have ever read, since i first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. you have been in every prospect i have ever seen since--on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. you have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. the stones of which the strongest london buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to displace with your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. but, in this separation i associate you only with the good, and i will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress i may. o god bless you, god forgive you!”
charles dickens, great expectations.

parts of me wish they could be more like estella.
and other parts of me hope to one day write like charles dickens. 
the parts that take up more space hope for the latter.

we're still calling him sam.

i'm thinking i should wear this shirt to class on thursday, just so he knows that i mean business.

just so you all know, today, we completed a quiz together.

oh, yes.
our romance blossomed over nucleic acid and population density.
we indulge in intelligent conversation, but i don't think either one of us ever know what the other is talking about. and he has green eyes.
he was probably wearing the black parker gingham from ledbury or something, almost buttoned to the top.
beige pants, nice and tailored, too.
hair parted on the side, and those. dang. glasses.
coincidentally, i, too, wore black today. a black dress, and floral tights.
if we'd wanted to, we could have sent out a "happy spring" card to all of our mutual friends.
but we didn't want that. we think it's too soon.
i just know that he wants to cuddle, though.
i knew the minute he turned to me and said,
"the answer to number three is bacteria." 

conversation between us is so intimate, i know.
please. read on, though viewer's discretion is advised.

he's going to alaska this summer to work.
and his easter was reeeeally good.
but he got a 62 on the last test.
sucker.
jk, we're dating.
...
nope, not true.

...and i'm still not really sure what his name is.
i can only do so much snooping over his shoulder to read what's written on his paper.
and asking him plainly is just no fun at all.

oh my gosh.
i am such a stalker.

*by the way...

all of your sweet comments on my previous post made my entire day--maybe my year. 

sometimes i have no idea who reads this weird blog of mine, and it is so fun to see comments below my writing.

thank you all so much!

 

alone.

it was in the quiet moments before sleep that she found herself not wishing or dreaming of him beside her when she slept,
or them down the hall, dreaming of cotton candy and rocking horses.
she knew those goods would come in due time. it wasn't doubt, but hope that filled her.
it rushed over her newly washed sheets, and between her fresh shaven legs,
over her shower dampened hair and knee high bed socks.
she hoped for her soul's sake that she would never forget these silly moments of
alone.
she said the word aloud, savoring the curl in her tongue as it formed the letter "L", pursing her lips after "N", and the silent "E" that followed. 
"silence," she thought, "relish in the silence."
she ran her fingertips along the trimming of the mattress, her palm gripping the thin white sheet.
she hoped to never forget the way it felt to sleep in a single bed,
or the freedom that came with keeping the light on until 2 a.m.
in these moments, in the dark, damp, silent night,
she discovered such beauty in being still, and perfectly alone.
 

all in the words.

it's gold,

and i dig.

class? can't. i'm in the sistine chapel.

this morning, i received an email from my western civilization professor, with a link from the vatican website, giving a virtual tour of the sistine chapel. when i was in rome, unfortunately, i missed out on the sistine due to visiting on a sunday... those darn romans... keeping the sabbath day holy and all. anyway. it was even more unlucky because michelangelo is my absolute favorite. cliche, possibly... but his work is incredible. and seeing it up close and personal changes your life... well, it changes mine.

i thought this tour was phenomenal. i was like a kid in a candy store, inspecting every inch. you can zoom up and see every detail, every clean line... incredible! enjoy! click here to see what i mean.

soooo....

there was this one time when i was not a huge fan.

or even like, a fan at all. 

but then i saw the hunger games yesterday.

...

and all of a sudden, i was like

...

a biiiiiiiiiiig supporter.

to put things in layman's terms.

and also, i'm pretty sure that by the time the credits rolled around, 

i had forgotten who ryan reynolds was...

and then, 

i was all,

WTF.

...what is happening to me?

merlin olsen, the wizard.

under stress, the best thing to do is not blog.
but... oops? here i am, anyway.

i went to class last thursday, not realizing that a pretty little piece of paper with scholarly sources and an analytical literature comparison should be turned in... which, i'm pretty sure is the worst feeling in the entire world. again... oops?

and also, i'm almost positive that i bombed a job interview this afternoon.
but, there is always a tiny flash of happy in every day. usually.
which explains the following pictures: 

 

now, about that paper...

sometimes, my cousin is a STUNNA.

this afternoon, i got an email from my uncle.

it held these pictures of my cousin, stetler, performing in a competition at his high school.

and then i was all, "WHEN DID HE BECOME SO ADORABLE?!"

and then melodey and i looked over them and giggled.

and then i debuted him on my blog so that he has seven thousand equally adorable girls chasing after him when he comes to BYU in the fall.

so hit me up if you're absolutely smitten.

because i've got his number.

...ladies?