a letter from my organs.

dear brain:
i'm sorry that sometimes i make you think too much. you don't deserve it, and neither do i.

love, the heart.



dear heart:
i hate you.

double the love (that's ironic), brain.

hey carter, guess what.

the other day, i thought about that time you made me drive on bangerter for the first time in my life.

i thought about how that night, i fell asleep in the movie theater, and you threw popcorn in my hair.

i thought about how i didn't find the majority of it until the next morning.

then, i missed you.

yesterday, i explained the meaning of the word "facemelt" to someone.

they didn't really get it. 

so i missed you again.

 

the end.

this part of my life is entitled, "sometimes i don't think i can take another step, and then i do".

the last week has been an interesting one.
i struggled. a lot.

i won't go into so much detail, because such detail is unnecessary and counterproductive, but i would just like to record my progress with these words, and remind myself at a later date that i can do hard things. me. i can. and while i can never do them alone, i can do them.

this week, i felt the ground clawing at my knees, harassing, teasing, and provoking them to collapse, all while my heart continued in prayer. it was a constant prayer, a week long pleading with the Lord to soften my heart, and make me a more finely painted portrait of Him.

and if there had been any doubt in my mind of His existence, His love, or His unending mercy before, i can assure you that it is gone now. i have learned that while His people are often times inconsistent and their priorities prove to be misshapen, he is infinitely and resoundingly perfect; his gospel is the same.

this one goes in the books, i think.

p.s. 
i hope there's someone reading this who needed to hear it as much as i needed to write it. 

and i'm off.

i plan on getting sunburned to the core (which is not really a choice for me... more like the sun's sick and twisted advantage over my irish skin), loving on two of my nieces, one of my nephews, finding a mexican boyfriend (#yolo), and playing in the waves with my cousins all. day. long. 

i'll be back on this blog in about three weeks.

first, i'm partying in cancun, and next, i'm partying in logan with about five hundred kids under the age of 18 who really like efy... at least, they'd better like it. 

i plan on doing lots and lots of writing at the beach and eating up all of louisa may alcott's little women.

sounds like heaven, no?

au revoir! or... adios? 

p.s. 

my adorable baby nephews were born the other day, and i haven't been able to stop smiling all week. i can't wait to meet joshua paul, and caleb john. congratulations to my sweet sister, jules, her husband, marc, and tyler, taylor, and william, too. 5 kids... and counting? :) 

love you all.

if we lived in the time of our favorite shows, we probably would have died from tuberculosis.

probably my most favorite thing in the whole world.

it makes me want to sip some bengal spice tea with my sissies, and curl up to some downton abbey.

love. the real kind.

i just read this and thought i'd share. 

it's so refreshing to hear that people admire our faith, especially in this time we live in where it has become almost trendy to shy away from "those weirdos who don't drink coffee".

it was a breath of fresh air to read such positive words regarding my beliefs, and the things that i'll stand up for under any circumstance. it made me more proud to be a part of my church, and helped me to remember that no matter who we are, what we believe in, we can all teach each other something wonderful.

today i was taught that people are nice. just because.

sarah tucker, you're so lovely. thank you.

i switched my tassel two years ago. and now, i'd like to say something to the 18 year old pictured below.

first of all, high school is not overrated. don't let one person tell you that. and anyone who says they don't talk to friends from high school after they graduate? they're sad stories, i think. they delight in belittling, whether they understand the definition or not. all i'm saying is keep your friends close, okay?

people are going to do mean things just to spite you. for instance, when you're reading through your senior yearbook and notice that even after two years of friendship and plans, your ex-boyfriend has tainted the pages with, "courtney: have a good future. from, daniel taylor", don't retaliate or let it poke holes in your new self. oh, but always use names. and remember that his mother is a nightmare, anyway.

after you throw your cap in the air, thank your parents and move away.

take advantage of your brother down the street, and spend more time at that apartment on 10th north than at TSC dance parties. i'll just tell you now that you won't be such a fan of loud music and sweaty mosh pits.

inhale zeppe's italian ice & custard, and stay away from madisen wardle. i'm pretty sure she's the devil. 

visit aunt nola, and water her plants. she won't be there long, and you'll wish you'd seen her more.

call your cousins, make frequent antiquing trips to the mouth of the canyon, and grocery shop at macy's. better produce. 

move upstairs, doorbell ditch whitney halford, and run like the wind when her scary roommate comes looking for you. 

adopt old girl, and don't forget to tell your roommates "i told you so" when they realize they love that plush chair more than life itself. 

keep good company while you watch notting hill, and don't be afraid to start a conversation.

and by the way... 

nothing goes according to plan. two years from now, you could be following a dream, scared out of your mind, and moving to the city. it is possible, you know. in the mean time, save your money, and give cache valley three kisses for me. 

love, love, 

older you.

today, i miss the tiny humans.

(not pictured: tayter-tots, and olli g., but i miss them, too.)

 

and i can't wait to meet my three new babes due this month.

june is good to me. 

because he's ridiculous, brilliant, and had a crush on me for one whole day but denies it completely. and i still hold it over his head because it's a secret he should have never told me. also, he has six months left.

six reasons why i can't wait to see his face:

6. because this song gets more exciting every day. 

5. because he buys large popcorn at the movie theater and lets me share it without paying a cent. it's called freeloading, and i practically invented it.

4. because he doesn't think i'm tacky for number 5. or, maybe he does.

3. because he keeps the first letter i wrote him in his wallet even though it's waterlogged and unreadable. which means he misses me, too.

2. because he does my math homework.

1. because he's austin. and i miss my adorable best friend.

p.s. i love this photo.