Okay? Okay.

This trailer debuted today, and I've watched it at least twelve times. 

It might be teen lit, but it's some pretty damn good stuff.

I spend colossal amounts of time with my nose in books, which often prompts people to ask me which ones I enjoy reading the most. To that question, I really never know what to say. My favorite book of all time is Charles Dickens' Great Expectations because I think that Estella is just so beautifully vile. Miss Havisham the root of all cynicism. Pip, model of a man unsure of who he wants to be and for what purpose... ah! And I think it's great that you all love Harry Potter, Hunger Games, or what have you, but those have never and will never be my thing. Anyway, I could go on for days. I don't know how to answer the question. That's my point. 

This past summer, I discovered John Green. If we were voting on an author of the century, I would cast my ballot for him. He writes books with words that mean things. Do you know what I mean when I say that? His books are all about teenagers and I guess you could classify them as bildungsroman novels, but they're just so much more than that. I sobbed through this book on multiple occasions because it punched me in the gut. It meant so much to me. 

Here's my favorite TFIOS quote:

"I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you and I know that is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you."

Augustus Waters, man. Kid's got it all figured out.

Good idea? Y/N?

I had this best friend growing up (we'll call her J). J moved an hour away from me after we finished sixth grade. The move was dramatic and since we weren't done being friends, about once a month, I would visit her in her new town and hang out with all of the new friends she made. It didn't take long for her to get a "boyfriend", or for me to integrate myself into her new life or her new group of friends, but after about a year, my parents stopped driving me all that way. My friendship with J continued, but I lost touch with a majority of her friends. 

Last January, J got married. In April, we were talking about getting together and she mentioned that she wanted to go on a double date, setting me up with one of her friends from high school. I agreed and waited to hear more details. She told me his name, and my mouth dropped open. 

     "I know," she said, "it's a lot to take in, but he's not doing anything right now, and he said he'd love to go out with you." 

     "Okay, but does he even know who I am?" I asked. It had been so long, I couldn't just assume. 

     "Yeah, he says he vaguely remembers you, but it'll be fun." 

As school, work schedules, and geographical location got in the way, the event fell through and I didn't think about it again. 

Last Thursday at the gym, I thought I saw him running on the treadmill in front of me. I stared at him for a solid ten minutes, trying to pick apart whether or not he could've been that same tall kid I pounded the living room piano with so many years ago. After a few text message sources confirmed his attendance at USU, I started having a panic attack because, not a joke, he's literally the best looking human I have ever known. So naturally, I told my roommates about how we were sort of childhood friends, how he's back from his mission, and how I haven't spoken to him since MSN Messenger was a thing. I searched him on Facebook (like we do) and found that even after all this time, we're still internet friends. And so, because this is the hour of poor decision making, I haven't sent anything, but I'll have you know that there's a pretty little word document with his name at the top, and I'm going to be brave tomorrow. Because I'm bored with my life and WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE know what I mean?

Boring.

The other day in the car, I asked Jude Law if I was boring. He laughed, said of course I wasn't, and offered me some Doritos. I didn't believe him, so I rephrased the question and made him answer again. He told me that if I was boring, he wouldn't come over to my apartment every night to watch Netflix with me. And then, I said, OKAY BUT DO YOU REALIZE THAT WHAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING IS A BORING PERSON'S LIFE? And he said, You're not boring; you're wonderful.

But then I impulse dyed my hair anyway because I believe in doing non-boring things just because I'm alive and allowed.  

'Til it ain't anymore.

I think I have a lot to say soon.

But in the meantime, I'm going to let Kacey say it for me.

In this song, she makes all the statements I'm too scared 

to state aloud.

So, if you wanted to get inside my head...

I keep cartons of cookie dough ice cream* in my freezer for the times I'm watching The Office with tall socks on and it's 1am. I always tell myself to go to bed and just FORGET ABOUT THE ICE CREAM, but yeah right. Like I can even do that. 

Okay. I know I keep saying this, but JIM. I

Also, remember the season 7 opener? With the lip dub? That episode, "Nepotism", is the best episode, second only to "Beach Day", season 3. 

P.S. I had some insane bacon cheeseburger needs tonight. Know what I mean? The worst part is that I didn't get my fill, so I'll probably get another one tomorrow. HOLLA AT YO GIRL. 

The point is, I plan on eating 1am ice cream in bed with a Jim Halpert equivent someday. 

*interchangeable with spoonfuls of Nutella

Things that are true.

I really think I eat more macaroni and cheese when there is a spoon involved. That was the only brilliant thought I've had all day.

Tonight, in my prayer, I literally asked God to help me find a way to marry Jim Halpert. Because I've known for years that he is my soulmate. 

I have something to say, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

It's nothing, really. Except that my school parking lot looked like this today and I wanted to share that with the world.

Oh, and also, I wanted to say something about The Plaid Shirt and the way he smells like a fresh menthol bubble bath. ALWAYS. And I wanted to tell you all that I wish I could bottle it up in a glass jar and give it to you for Christmas. Also, I needed an outlet to express my gratitude for the fact that it smells like a fresh menthol bubble bath on my pillow right now.

This seemed like an appropriate place to do so. 

AND THIS WORLD IS JUST SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL SO MUCH OF THE TIME. 

A prayer.

When we live in a perfect world, can our bangs stay trimmed and can our pants fit us just right and would it be okay if none of that ever changed? 

Reasons 9538164 and 9538165 to heart The Plaid Shirt

I took a break from my life and spent December entirely at my parents' house. It has been wonderful, but I am ready to get back to the tiny little life I lead up in the mountains. I miss my big bed, my bathtub, and I miss that sweet Jude Law. He's deeply flawed and the trench of our age difference still astounds me, but he sings songs out loud in the car, answers calls with exclamation points, and I've become attached to the way he makes room for me in his life. 

Here's to men who like adventures, hooking up television sets, and using keyboard smiley faces. They're the ones who won't get you to any life-checkpoints fast, but, they'll teach you what it's like to love the lonely years. 

What I really need are some Zzzz....

Apart from refraining from using curse words and trying really, really hard to like Jennifer Lawrence, my new year's resolution list is a dense, weighty sort of thing.

WHICH IS A MASSIVE STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION FOR ME.

I am a prideful person. I am the kind of proud that has me stewing over my work when a professor suggests I remove a few adverbs from a paragraph I've written. The kind of proud that sometimes talks me into believing I never want to get married. So, when other people divulge their secrets of the previous year and rattle off a rant of generic, wannabe-zen mentalities to prove themselves, I usually roll my eyes and spoon another three pounds of ice cream from the carton into my mouth. Because I've got a problem with pretending like I don't need any improving. I KNOW.

But then, the year 2013 came in to humble me, basically ruining my life, and since I'm not so into an encore of that show, last night, I was all, IS IT TWO-THOUSAND-FOURTEEN YET and SOMEBODY HAND ME A SHEET OF PAPER I'VE GOT TO CHANGE MY WAYS. 

I think the first thing I wrote down was "Stop trimming your own bangs" and, I mean, it's a start.

...

I have been staying with my nieces and nephews in Dallas the past week while my sister and her husband were in Hawaii. She came home today and we were able to have some much needed girl time. Usually, I call her bi-weekly, moments before I lose it, and as I'm strewn about the kitchen floor, she talks me through the worst of it. So, it was nice to have a face-to-face with her today. It was also nice to discuss literature this time, instead of my issues. She raved about Othello and The Merry Wives of Windsor as I told her of my Henry V obsession and we vowed to make a goal of lit-swapping more often. We talked for at least an hour and a half about Shakespeare, alone, and she even showed me her bawdy glossary. So, I promised myself to read more books because they evoke something in me that nothing else can. I think it's passion and I like the places it takes me.

We also stared in the mirror for a long time and promised our bodies a more fulfilling, more cucumber'd life. I told her that the recipe for my muffin top was Big Macs and regret. She nodded and made a pact to buy more produce than Chips Ahoy! this year. 

My big goals?

Graduate from college and try not to be such a know-it-all when you do. 

I AM SO MATURE.