Please see this collage of tragic endings. I want you to feel sad like me, so I'm throwing Schindler's List at you.

THIS IS A REMINDER THAT LIFE IS A BIG BULLY THAT DANGLES THINGS IN FRONT OF YOU ALL SUMMER--THINGS YOU CAN'T HAVE--AND THEN AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND, IT MAKES YOU PAY FOR WANTING THEM AT ALL.

Sorry you are so out of the loop. Kept this one locked up tight, unlike all of my other secrets. Honestly, though, I wish we could all sit around the fireplace and have a good, hard cry as I told you about the summer I've had. 

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when, shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

The story of how YOLO and the concept of being casual changed my life.

Well, okay, it hasn't yet, but WHAT IF IT DOES, YOU GUYS. 

The other night, I was talking to my best friend, Haley, on the phone and first, she taught me about Analysis Paralysis, and then, she diagnosed me with it. I guess it's where you over-analyze your anxieties to the point that you become paralyzed and you stand still while nothing gets solved. 

Well, that's me now, but it didn't used to be. (See archives, summer of 2012-winter 2013--a very confident, different, unapologetic me, who lost those traits because one too many boys made her cry and instead of dealing with feelings where necessary, she didn't do anything about Dimples or the boy in the cafe all of fall semester. Because getting hurt is a pain.)

Well, it took me until about yesterday to remember that this really is the only life I've got, and is it worth a damn thing if I can't speak up for myself like I used to? 

Making all sorts of questionable decisions tomorrow and going to try not to over-analyze any of them. 

(P.S. A glam living room mirror self portrait because, you know, for posterity. THAT MAY COME FROM THESE DECISIONS!) 

A very lovely, average woman.

 

I had a very long talk with my mother last weekend. She told me that when it came to falling in love, she has always worried that I am too smart for my own good, direct quote. 

At first I was mildly offended, but soon realized that I'd rather be too smart than too much of anything else. If a man falls in love with my intellect before he falls in love with me... if it takes him several tries to figure me out and he has to think harder than a woman has made him think before, well, I don't know.

There's this Billy Joel song, Always a Woman to Me, that I've always loved.

In it, he praises the intricacies of a very average woman. 

My favorite stanza:

She's frequently kind

and she's suddenly cruel,

she can do as she pleases,

she's nobody's fool.

I hope that when you think of me, heaven forbid you fall in love with me, all of these things roll through your mind.

Can't talk right now. Too busy trying to charm men who look like Linus Larrabee. I'm using my funniest lines and attending parties I don't care about! I can't help it because look! He's successful, drives a nice car, and his face hosts perfect angles! 

Can't wait to tell you all about my summer soon.