heaven.

between boring people and sassy roommates getting the best of my nerves, 

i pretend someone is whispering this in my ear at all times. 

and sometimes, i can swear it comes from the angels. 

i hear it as the answer to every prayer lately.

and my, my.

what an answer.

that just happened.

missy: i would let kenny wormald spit on me.
me: yeah. i would too. he's the only person i would ever let spit on me.
missy: you're telling me that you wouldn't even let justin bieber spit on you?
me: well, okay. yeah.
mel: you guys are so weird.
missy, unphased: there are just some people that i would allow, and some i wouldn't.
mel: just because someone is famous, you both would let them spit on you. no matter who it was. you know it's true.
missy: false. russel brand.
me: alec baldwin.
missy: ew...
me: i would, though, let jimmy kimmel spit on me, just because he's famous.
missy: well, of course.
me: that, and, i kind of think he's adorable.
missy: but like, in a puppy dog way.
me: ...but in a way that still lets him know that i would be willing to have his babies.

play it again, sam.

[warning: the following contains a bunch of spilled information from my brain that you might not particularly care about.]

 

why do people say, "YOU WILL LOVE MARRIED LIFE", and then, feel like it's necessary to add one hundred exclamation points? actually, why do they feel like it's necessary to tell you that you'll love married life at all? isn't that kind of the point of getting engaged? i don't know the answer to that; i've never been engaged. but if i had, one hundred thousand people telling me something i already knew would get under my skin. and in not a good way. (awkward phrasing, but interesting. so, it stays.) i am like one big giant cynical puff of hot air, and i usually don't apologize for that. some people think it's refreshing, but i haven't met any of them for a while. i have an embarrassing school girl crush on a boy i went to high school with... who actually still goes to high school... and because i am amazing, i sometimes attend the occasional alta high school sponsored activity. and because i am unlucky, he's always there. and because i am bizarre, i get all weird. i like to think i'm quirky. last time we spoke, he asked me if i was dating anyone. i felt like i let that one go too far, so now i just avoid him whenever we're in the same room. speaking of too far, musician hands' name is sam... i'm almost positive. mind you, we still have never communicated verbally. or at all, for that matter. all i know is that i can seriously do some mind blowing things with a class roster and the process of elimination. i even scare myself. today he sat behind me, and smelled fondly of bubble gum tooth paste. it was kind of endearing. around 4:00 this afternoon, i accidentally killed myself for a good four hours. i hate it when i do that. but when bedtime calls, no matter the time, you don't ignore it: a rule i live by. louis armstrong's holiday station came on pandora myseteriously, and do you know something? i lingered. i couldn't change it. then, i had a panic attack about the eggs in my ovaries, worrying that they might be depleting too rapidly... which is actually true, hence the lady business stuff. it is unsettling to know that i am losing a little bit of my womanhood twelve times a year. tmi? today, i watched casablanca in my literature class, and came to the conclusion  that humphrey bogart can toast to looking at me any day he wants to. and my mother's pajamas, rolled up, just like she does it, a cup of tea, and leonardo da vinci are great company for a sleepless night. so if you need me, i'm probably still awake.

 

the home lock screen says it all:

luckily, i am extremely predictable.
and any person can come to understand me simply by waking up my cell phone.
what would you learn by pressing my home button, you ask?

1. my roommates and i suck back milk in the same way a three day sober drunk would destroy a few rounds of beer. translation: stefan salvatore on human blood.
2. slutty music with a vulgar rap and talk of substance abuse? just keeping it classy...
3. justin bieber has got the moves like jagger, and basically, i worship them. hence, he is the first thing i see in the morning. we are soooo in love.

it's awesome how deep i am.

that's the stuff.

"it’s amazing sometimes what a gallery curator gets involved with – from paint colour choices to deep discussions about how to ensure consistency in our use of ancient place names, and from climbing scaffolding to talking about whether a plastic object would deteriorate if it was on display for five years."

--catherine eagleton, curator, british museum.


glazed over with old english spelling and cheap talk of rich ideas.
i am dwelling in the possibilities over here.

quote via.

laurie, i just remembered: i can't loan you the vista cruiser on account of i hate you.

 i often find that two o'clock in the morning is the best time for:

life cereal in bed,

eric foreman,

and girl talk with jackie & donna.

remember when i said this?

silly me.

that 70's show somehow slipped my mind.

it will always be my number 1.

 

get right out of my bed.

teacher hands, maybe.
a heart that falls for museums and the lewis chessmen,
pathetically.

my mother, who cares a great deal for me, has asked on multiple occasions if teaching is what i reeeeally want to do for the rest of my life.
every day.
for the rest. of. my. life.
and i usually just shrug my shoulders, regurgitating words i've spit one hundred times... which i hate myself for.
something usually along the lines of, might as well.

her latest inquiry being when she turned to me as we reached an altitude of 10,000 feet, and were safe to use our approved electronic devices.
and i thought, but not so hard.
because most of my concentration had been forced to focus on the tears about to spill all over, and leak into the valley between my lips, something i wish my tears wouldn't do. 

i know the answer; i know you, she said, and you'd rather not look at pictures of pictures. 
  
and so it is:
no more teaching,
a little more learning,
a lot more passion,
and three hundred handfuls of faith.
...which feels an awful lot like running with scissors or playing wizard's chess.

so here's to not doing the sure thing.

"Everything will stop on a dime.
Everything will crash into itself in good time.
Do you want to beat your own heart, beat your own heart,
Or leave it behind?"

ingrid michaelson, do it now.

like one big twinkle light.

i'm baaaaaack!

and while i am anything but refreshed,

paris was tres jolie!

everything wonderful that i remember about the city

still rides around on sparkles, and i worship that.

not to mention, i discovered pear filled beignets in the louvre...

more on that later.

for now, 

jet lag has o'er taken me.

oops, i did it again.

it's tuesday.
and tonight, i think i'll go to paris.
no, seriously.

there is something about jet setting across the ocean on 48 hours of notice that tickles me pink. plus, i needed a good excuse to use my french speaking skills... the few that i have... i'd like to thank the colonel for having the world's coolest job. and for being the coolest dad.

au revoir!

i should like to tell you,

the five year plan doesn't work.
sorry to spoil the ending for you.
but it's all okay.
because you'll find your independence, nurture your humor, and come back to life.
things that you'll love more than the five year plan, anyway.
also,
the whole august '09 debacle?
see through it, and run.

the boy who writes isn't trying to catch you.
he's trying to express himself.
just let him.

eat sushi on your last night home.
be not mistaken, skinny little white boy>160 degrees across the median.
anyway, another shot is not far away.
and you'll be bolder then.

red hair is not your thing.
hands OFF the box.

take trips for no reason--even if that means crossing the pond for less than 36 hours.
do it often, and appreciate the jet lag for what it is.
it's called privilege. and it disappears on your twenty third birthday.
 
when the louvre baits you with mona and venus, heed no warning.
get yourself up at 5 A.M., and you give them hell.
catch uncultured before it overtakes your rem cycle.

write. write, write, write.
please write.

and by all means,
do hard things.
because that boy in tuesday thursday biology won't give his name up without being asked to state it.
and future you needs some hearty courage.

to my fondest memories:

so close to home, i can almost taste it.
i miss them.

both times, i convinced them that i would be an outstanding date. i told them about my manners, my wit, and how cool they'd look dancing next to me. and both times, they believed it.
bless their souls.

everyone should invest in a carter & austin. they drop everything like it's hot just to let you wear a pretty dress.

9 months, and we're home free.

things i'll never say:

"i don't eat carbs."
"i'd rather be skinny than eat jelly beans."
"no, let's save gas; we'll just walk there."
"i love the hunger games."
"do you know where i'd rather be right now? provo."
"marilyn monroe is so classy. we should all quote her." 
"a little less mayonnaise, please."
"jonah hill should've won that oscar."
"i'm super interested in listening to every detail about your boyfriend. again."
"by all means, use my silverware and then leave it for me to clean."
"you write good."
"for reals."
"i wish i lived in pocatello."
"i need a ring for every single finger on my hand."
"that is such a cute bolero."
"you go to the gym for six hours every day? here's my number."
"i deleted my facebook page. i hate looking at pictures of happy people."
"the kardashians? i'm so over them."
"temple run is a waste of time."
"could you tell me again that part about how six seconds of marriage has made you more mature?"
"ben flajnik is the man of my dreams. and his hair looks so clean."
"sexy: now that's a great word."
"africa for nine months? where do i sign up!"
"poor grammar is a turn on."
"joel mchale isn't funny."

tiz-agged.

hello, pretty little friends.
guess what.
i got tagged.

here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.
5. go to their blog and tell them they've been tagged.

and so it begins...

1. i am as good at sports as i am at card games. (read: pathetic.)
2. i have girl crushes on selena gomez, mila kunis, and hilary duff.
3. i hate hanging up my clothes. 
4. i love twitter.
5. i would pretty much do anything to hang out with andy samberg and jason sudeikis.
6. everything about airplane bathrooms terrifies me. especially the ones on the really tiny CRJs. they're in the back of the plane, and they're horror machines.
7. one time i creeped so hard core on a boy that i went through the online class roster and searched every male name on FB, just to figure out his name. it didn't work. i still just refer to him as "musician hands".
8. i will always be lizzie mcguire's number one fan.
9. i'm completely obsessed with art deco.
10. my favorite televisions show is a tie between arrested development and scrubs.
11. if i could marry michael cera, i would do it.

1. what is your very first memory?
my very first memory is of my third birthday party. i wore a pink stetson and cowgirl boots. i remember toting around a lasso, and my parents gifted me with a beautiful pink toy chest that sits in my mother's basement to this very day.
2. if you had to choose between channing tatum, john krasinski, and ryan gosling, who would you choose?
easy. john krasinski e'rry day. it's the humor that really just gets me.
3.what is your favorite accessory?
stud earrings.
4. what can you not leave the house without?
chapstick.
5. why do you blog?
to preserve my sanity.
6. what is your favorite thing to do on a sunny day?
read a book on a blanket.
7. what are you most grateful for?
i am most grateful for funny friends. i pity people who don't have funny friends. seriously, what is life without an inappropriate joke here and there?
8. if your house was on fire, and you could only grab three things, what would they be?
my movie collection, box o' sweet letters, and let's be honest... my cell phone.
9. what is your favorite smell?
curve. it gets me every. single. time.
10. what is your best joke?
why did the girl fall off the swing? because she didn't have any arms.
11. ellen or tyra?
is that even a question? ellen.


tagged, suckas!
1. mrs. jacob kearns
2. mrs. michael kearns
3. miss elsa j.
4. mrs. alicia carter

1. if you could only pick one song to be your favorite, what would it be?
2. top 5 favorite celebrities. go!
3. what were your parents going to name you if they didn't go with what your name is now?
4. what is your least favorite chore?
5. who is your least favorite celebrity?
6. do you have a celebrity look alike? who is it?
7. if you had to spend the day with anyone from the jersey shore, who would you choose?
8. what is your most beloved childhood memory?
9. you're on a desert island, and can only bring two things. what are they?
10. justin bieber, or jess mccartney? choose wisely...
11. what is your favorite sit down restaurant?

celeb-sessed.

a few things as of late that, coincidentally, all fall within the same genre:

 

-i'm a closet jason derulo fan.

...

never thought i'd see the day.

-i'm all about selena gomez. love you like a love song? some of her best work.

-i have eaten 2/3 of a 14 oz. bag of starburst jelly beans in the past 18 hours, and i'm not even mad about it.

(that doesn't really have anything to do with anything. but it's true nonetheless.)

-the small 13 year old girl inside of me got re-obsessed with jesse mccartney. have you seen him lately? he's on fire. that video might be a little bit on the raunchy side, but the song is killer. and he looks like my generation's leo. love it.

-last night, little miss, melons, and i made justin a birthday cake and wore purple all day long. we love him.

speaking of which, 

 it is very possible that this is my computer screen saver. 

p.s. did you see him on ellen yesterday? this was the best part.

he's totally adorable.

spring fever brings out the worst in me.

it makes me highly obsessed with famous people.

i mean, even more than usual.

some people get allergies, i get to googling.

i don't know what it is, but every year around this time, i just go a little crazy.

and this year, i got a twitter account. what is happening to me!

so,

i coined a phrase yesterday: 

celeb-sessed.

i think you understand.