A guide to why I am the way that I am.

I was thinking about something tonight that I really could not stop thinking about.
It was something that made me be like, why are you still thinking about this? But... here I am... almost two in the morning, still thinking about it.
Let me say think a few more times: think, think, think, think.

Remember that scene in Mean Girls where Cady is at the Mathlete's competition and she says this?

"Miss Caroline Krafft seriously needed to pluck her eyebrows. Her outfit looked like it was picked out by a blind Sunday school teacher. And she had some 50 cent lip gloss on her snaggletooth. And that's when I realized, making fun of Caroline Krafft wouldn't stop her from beating me in this contest. Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinner. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you."

Well, that's all true. 

But it's not exactly the point of this blog post. 

What I can't stop thinking about is the fact that I still hate people. No matter what life changes I go through, I'm always going to be a little bitter about that soccer ball Jordan Stadig nailed me with (on purpose) in the sixth grade. It's always going to bug me that Haley Needs made my high school boyfriend want her more than he wanted me. I'll always harbor some hatred for that T.A. last semester who told me to rewrite a paper because she didn't like the way I said the things on my mind.

And do you know what I think? It all doesn't make me the worst person in the world, and all of them probably hate me right back.

One time, I had a conversation with my sister about how I think it's okay that sometimes we skip church to hang out with each other. Because we're pretty sure there are terrorists in the world who are most likely worse off than we are. Also, I've never punched anyone in the face. So, Bonus. And gotcha.

But my friend, Haley (Not the one who stole my boyfriend. Another Haley. I know. My life is so confusing.) never hates anyone. Like, she just doesn't.

And I admire that, I do. 

But she's probably the only one on Earth like that. 

Well, besides maybe Kelsey Gwen Conover, who is fully incapable of hating people, too. She's my other friend.

Both cases are exceptions, and extremely impressive.

So here is my theory about this whole thing:

People who are nice to everyone and don't have malicious feelings, like Haley and Kelsey, most likely have special reserved tickets to Heaven in the official Heaven box office (a real place), which is nice, but not the end of the world for those of us who've been a little choosy in our relationships, right?

It just means that maybe we, as haters, will just have to wait in line for our own tickets... which is annoying, but sort of worth it... right??

Because sometimes you just need to hate on people... RIGHT?!

And if you're concerned about Heaven selling out tickets, don't be.

Because I don't believe in a god who would ever be like, "Oooo... sorry. Fresh out of salvation."

I'm just going to be honest right now. 

I hate a girl that I don't even know. 

And the worst part about it all is that I'm pretty sure we'd be really great friends if circumstances were different and I wanted to be around whenever she was. 

Maybe we'd be friends if I hadn't been in the place I was a few months ago, and she had been there, too.

Maybe we'd be friends if I wanted to like her.

Maybe we'd be friends if I believed in a god who was like, "Oooo... sorry. Fresh out of salvation."

This is the part where I tell you that I had this thought today: 

"He has really poor taste in girls. Except for when he picked me. Because look at me.

I am fantastic."

Still trying to decide whether I'll be line buddies with the annoying vain people, or the angry, bitter haters.

I am unsure. Only limbo will tell. 

The purgatory kind... not the horizontal-broom-sing-songing-back-bending weird game kind. 

Unless they have that there. And in that case, I guess maybe then, the game will tell.

I am still unsure. Only limbo-in-limbo will tell... if it exists.

Anyway...

Thank you, Mean Girls.

Okay, rant over.