Sometimes all you can do is:

--Pretend like you don't feel thirty pounds heavier than you are, 

--Not think about that one guy who's on a date with that one wait-who's-that-girl,

--Drink two 64 oz Diet Cokes in a period of 5 hours,

--OWN the fact that the only thing you bought black Friday shopping was Breaking Dawn Part I,

--NOT think about how you got anxious and lonely and sent a message to a person you can't stop thinking you want to have, well, something to do with,

--Put on your sweatpants because these sweatpants are all that fit me right now, 

--Talk Essie & Dead Sea Scrolls with Paige Anderson because HELLO, WE THINK SHE MIGHT BE OUR SOULMATE.

--Just, you know what, pick up that second and third piece of cream pie and make no excuses for it.

--Remember that you are young. And, even though you've never really been wild, you are a kind of free that you're never going to get to be ever again. And yeah, okay, sometimes you pull stupid moves and agonize over them for the three hours following because, hey. It really was a stupid move. But everyone pulls crap like that, and at least you're not into hard drugs or collectible Disney ceramics.

So, just tuck your pants into your socks, climb in bed, and sleep until you have to get up on a Saturday and study for your finals. Because that's just how it goes and I promise you, you can get through it all. 

With sarcasm and strong intersperses of caffeinated drinks.