August 20, 2013

The second weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. Part I.

The first weirdest thing that has ever happened to me involves the mascot of my high school football team, the crush I had on him in the seventh grade, and the fact that tonight, even after never having a conversation with him in all my life, he called to ask me out on a date. Also, I said yes. Did I hook you with that one? More to come if you just stay tuned.

Anyway.
This story isn't about the first weirdest thing that has ever happened to me.
This story is about the second.
...

The first time Daniel Taylor and I ever kissed, I wanted to take back my lips. I wasn't a fan of lip-to-lip anything. Because homegirl doesn't even like to share soda pop. It was germy. And tongue-y (is that a thing?). And I wanted to take it all back. Instead, I proceeded without caution and dove, head first, into the biggest heart break I've experienced thus far in my life.

It wasn't always heart break, though.
Usually, it was gerber daisies and making out in the movie theater. You know how you always wonder if that's possible? I am living proof that it is. I can't say I'm proud of it, but sometimes I think about how we did that and I am impressed with myself. Because, how? Okay, I'm a little proud.


He got me with everything he did. 

But, the shame of it all is that it's stuff I can't quite recall anymore. I can't put my finger on the good things. There was a lot of door opening when I went to get into his car. I think there was hand holding. Actually, no, I remember that. There was a lot of it. There was ice cream, too. And study sessions. And one time, in the parking lot after a dance where were dressed like Wendy and Peter Pan, he tripped, scuffing his knees up really bad. There was an obscene amount of blood, like way too much for me to handle, but I brought him back to my house and nursed his knees, anyway. I soaked them in hydrogen peroxide, wrapped them in bandages, and kissed them each twice. When I looked up at him, his eyes were wide on me like he'd never been so well taken care of and I made a mental note of that look. It's one I save away for the days I don't feel beautiful and I remember that in my life, I've been looked at like I was someone's safety, like I mattered to someone. I told him I loved him that night, and he said it, too.
Fine, I can recall all of it.
And oh, I wanted the world for him.

A week later, his parents made us break up.
I was the kind of sad a person shouldn't ever be and he was, too. The kind of sad that flared on both ends, triggered by an outside party. Real Capulet/Montague stuff. When he told me, I cried in the hallway at school. I cried in his arms and knew they could do nothing to protect me from the next few months of pain. He said goodbye and I did, too. And then, two months later, he had another girlfriend. And, understatement: ouch.

I toilet papered her house a few times. And then, I probably called her mean names (I FOR SURE called her mean names). And then, I was "The Other Woman" for a summer and it turns out, you feel worse about yourself when your ex-boyfriend is cheating on his girlfriend with you. It turns out that that's never good for anyone. So after that, we stopped making out at parks, he stopped visiting me at work, and then, God punished me and I got Mononucleosis. I watched Grey's Anatomy every single day and there was the episode that's like "Pick me, choose me, LOVE ME" and I cried a lot.

And then, I'm not trying to be dramatic, but we never spoke again.
Until July 27, 2013 where I stepped out of the car in his driveway and heard him whisper, "Wow."

Did I hook you again?

August 16, 2013

#fussyry, @captainnatsparrow, KortKnee, California Cam, & KT. Party in the USA.

So... This is over. I want to kill myself. 

I really don't. But I'm jonesing for a Mint Julep from the French Quarter right now. I had three yesterday. Thanks for that, Alicia. 

I've got more to say, but I'm not in the mood. So I'll be back later. Deuces to my HATERZ. 

August 13, 2013

Feeling like a Jackson Polluck when I really just want to feel like a Mondrian.


When words fail me, art doesn't.
When art fails me, words don't.


I am in Anaheim and I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow.

My dreams were crushed this afternoon when I didn't get to go to Jimmy Kimmel Live, and I don't want to talk about it.

I wear short shorts and I don't give a damn what you think about that. Also, I wear sports bras and sometimes you can see them through my shirt. Whores of Babylon unite.

I think I am starting that slow descent into the isolation that fall semester often puts me in. I want to do nothing but sit in a dark room with a cozy fire, curl up on the couch by myself with some wassail, read one hundred million blogs, and watch You've Got Mail while it rains buckets outside.




I'm done with the summer. Like, completely over it. I'm finished with the neverendingly hectic schedule, finished with meeting new people, and I'm done traveling. Does that sound ungrateful? Yeah, but I'm not. I'm so incredibly thankful for these experiences, I'm just ready for some structure.

August 9, 2013

I go hard.




I don't know what to write about, so I'll probably just write about EFY since that's all I've known for the past three months of my life.

And here's what I have to say about EFY today: 

It is my last yellow polo day. Ever. #yellowpoloYOLO

One of my girls had a guitar playing/singing act in the Variety Show and it rocked the world. For real. I am a proud mom. 

I'm debating hard on whether to go to Jackson Hole, white-water rafting with my team tomorrow or just to go back and see my people. My life is hard.

I got paid today. 
HOLLA BACK. 

I'm going to California on Sunday for an entire week. Disneyland. For three days straight. With my E-F-B-F, Ry Chollet. Remembering that is the what's gotten me through this week. That's real. 

I'm going to Jimmy Kimmel on Monday afternoon. I'm not kidding you when I say this... MY LIFE LONG DREAM IS COMING TRUE. Did I mention Liam Hemsworth is going to be his guest? [Insert one million adoring Hunger Games fans screaming here]

Also, I can eat cafeteria food no more. 

August 6, 2013

I think it would be nice to slow dance to a sad Beatles song in the woods in the poring rain. In rain boots and a baggy t-shirt. 

I daydream about that all too often. 

August 5, 2013

YOLO. But for real. This is me saying YOLO.



I'm reluctant to say these things because there are so many people who I am close to and people who I'm not so close to who know me from high school, who read this blog, but I'm just going to say it anyway. And I'm going to own it. Because I've decided that's what I'm good at. I'm good at owning things. The other day, after I wrote that thing about being single and how bizarre it is, I felt a little bit about it. Like I should further explain myself.

Is being single bizarre? Do I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be getting married to the man of my dreams? Do I think about babies all around me and long to be the mother of such precious tiny humans? Of course.

But, I also remember how much fun it is to have no responsibilities. To die your hair porn-star blonde (okay, this one makes me sort of nervous, but it happened and like I said, I'm OWNING it) flirt shamelessly with everyone in the whole world, and to seek out ways to casually throw into the conversation "Remember that time you told me that I'm the only girl you've kissed in the Mustang and maybe we should do it again sometime."

I mean, I'm not married,
have never been married,
have nothing against being married,
married people,
weddings,
or responsibility...

But I'm just saying,
I think I'll enjoy life a little bit longer if that's okay with everyone else.

Screw that.
Regardless of whether it's okay with anyone, I'm going to enjoy this little life of mine before it gets all serious and I have to be a grown up.
Because it's fun to wear short shorts, put on tacky perfume and make out with boys you have no intention of marrying.
Isn't that the elephant in the room? The one that our culture never really celebrates? Can we all just admit it right now?

And on that note, this.

August 3, 2013

On being single and why is this part of life so bizarre?

Who. The hell. Knows.

The point is, I am probably a baller at having babies.