i'd like...

--a little girl with uncontrollable giggles and curls. named clare. with no "i", to be perfectly irish.
--little boys who'll play sailboats with me. lots and lots of little boys. heaven, help me.
--an art deco wedding... with organic lines, jazz music, and red poppies.
--a sweetheart who'll give me brown eyed babies. for in that area, generations of reinforcement have told me that my genes will forever be slacking.

yes please.

this girl always remembers calendar dates.

in the midst, and through the mist of all things scholastic,

i would just like to take a small moment to recognize this day as a monumental one.

on april the twenty sixth, two thousand and eight,

my lips lost their virginity.

tahaha... what a funny day.

i was maybe wearing the above apparel on said spring evening. and it is maybe still tucked away in my closet.

if you'd like to know the juicy details, you won't find them here.

except that it happened in a soccer field, and i thought i fell in love. 

but i didn't. and thank goodness for that.

because love sounds scary...

however, 

kisses are lovely little things, and they deserve to be recognized.

so here's to three years ago, hosting stomach butterflies, and more kisses. :) 

sealed with a kiss, court.

lisa lobe, glasses. i'd sure like to ask you to stay.

hi. this is my life tomorrow.
would you just look at him? darling.
he is just so gosh darn cute.
i think it's vital that you know that this song will be at my wedding.
and guess what. this one, too.
and that special guy in the featured picture is who i will be marrying that day.

ohhhh joshua. you are soooo handsome.
and your voice is the type to make me go all fluttery inside.

just the kind of information you needed to absorb for your wednesday, i'm sure.

i'm headed to salt lake, suckas!

navy blue mattress for sale. ghetto metal bed frame included.

maybe it's because i live in a three bedroom, two bathroom apartment, and share it with four other girls.
maybe it's because my walls are stark white. along with every other fixture in my apartment.
maybe i hate that i can't burn candles or nail anything to the wall.

...or maybe it's because i'm desperate for bed... at this hour.
but these two pictures forced me to come unglued.



i would have no other choice but to read all day every day in this bed and never get up.


if you ever want to give me a really great birthday present... i need a branch bed.

it's chocolate. and it crunches. ew.

to my husband...whoever you may be:

the following statements are allowed for you to know because you're really handsome probably.


little do you know, i'm a germaphobe; i am constantly washing my hands.
and i hate magic shell on my ice cream.


that's all.

xo,
wifey.

danke schoen, darling danke schoen. thank you for all the joy.

would you like to know where i'd like to be right now?



back here.
in bavaria, germany.
hitting those lovely alpine slopes.

this february, it will have been two years since my parents and i embarked on our germany-austria trip!
and i have craved it every snowfall since....

i first discovered how much i liked ingrid here. (there were many hours spent in the car.)
and got yet another different taste of the european culture that i have become incandescently in love with.
i tried my first batch of schnitzel drizzled with lemon juice in germany,
and visited a cow farm where we were generously given a fresh carton of milk!
i remember walking the hallowed grounds of dachau concentration camp against the snow and through the fog. i was speechless and humbled by everything i saw. what an experience.
we slept like kings on white bed linens made of ostrich feathers--just because that's the european way to do it!
i thought the wrought iron signs that lined each street of austria were the best things in the world. because they were.
we went to see mozart and his first pianos, and meandered through mittenwald in search of the world's first violin.

...among other things.

it was a beautiful little trip.
and i would give anything to be back there tonight.

someday again, right?

and in my dreams, i'm christmasing with you.

i apologize profusely for the faults that i am about to lay out for you.
but here goes.

it's like, almost-husband:

i could eat pumpkin chocolate chip bread all day long if you'd let me. kind of like how i could also watch the kardashian-jenner family just exist, ALL day long. i love them. i'm serious.

and if you'd let me one day, i could stay all day in our house forever. doing nothing. with the high class wardrobe of rosebud pajamas and my favorite b&b robe. it's the truth. i could stare at blinking tree lights and shimmering tinsel on our tree until my eyes fell out.

which reminds me...

i have never wanted to spend christmas on the beach. i, being the traditionalist that i am, prefer to spend it under the trees. lost in the trees actually. and i mean lost.
you know. cozy in a cabin. high above the rest of the world, but at the same time. lost in the trees.

and speaking of christmas.

i like tinsel. and lots of it. and playing find the candy cane in the christmas tree where that is precisely what is done. i'm a fan of too many decorations, and holiday socks. and it's not december the 25th until there is snow falling as well as fallen. and twinkle lights. promise me that we will never forget the twinkle lights.

so when i meet you, when we're in love, i apologize for my opinions. i can't wait to hear all about yours. :)
but for the meantime,

merry christmas, darling.

affectionately... and in haste, jane.

i know.

the ending is nothing short of disappointing.
...though this scene is anything but.

i must say... miss austen is quite remarkable.

and sometimes i believe i am much the same as her. watching becoming jane this morning, i have noticed a few things that she does, (assuming of course that the characteristics of anne hathaway resemble something the same as the real jane) and thought to myself how i am much like her. i am embarrassed to admit that i am a stubborn as i am... but it is only the truth. her passion for the written word is something that i admire about her, as well as the beautiful naivety that she possesses. i am quite naive and know very little of the world, though i hope to change. i believe that she was a passionate woman with an intelligent mind, complete only with the highest imagination and sense of wonder... though "one way or another, passion makes fools of us all". i love the way she's kurt and rude; at times she says the wrong thing because her opinion forces her to. i just think she is wonderful.

let me rephrase that... i can only hope to be such a woman!

and ohhh. mr. lefroy... (but really mr. mcavoy) please express the same feelings to me behind the rose garden.

hey neighbor. i'm glad we're in love.

how pathetic am i.

sitting in my nook, second floor, merril-cazier library, making a very unconscious attempt at my annotated bibliography and research presentation, due tomorrow, and posting this.

aforementioned question with a period at the end was not rhetorical. answer if you must. i know. i am pathetic. sometimes i walk in the library daydreaming of the people that i will meet. maybe, just maybe, i will sit down in my usual nook and some handsome young gentleman will see me. maybe he'll walk over and sit at the nook beside me and ask me my name. you know, really, he doesn't have to say anything at all. maybe he just smiles at me, puts in his headphones, and goes to work on some math homework that will one day make him big dollar bills. and once that happens, we'll probably live in a mansion somewhere in france. or maybe this mystery smile doesn't exist.

maybe daydream number two sneaks in and says "hey, how are you?" and i'll say, "hey, good. i'm glad we're neighbors and that i'm in love with you." then we'll most likely talk about how we're going to travel the world and do cool things like teach english in third world countries and ride exotic animals for the rest of our lives.

but it never happens. i always just sit alone in my cubical of wood, plug in my computer, and apparently type away at the blank screen that should be a word document, yet is a new blog post. and a pathetic one at that. then usually i look around at all of the other pathetic people, most likely dreaming the same two dreams.

man. if i could only harness this kind of writing energy into my research paper, i would be golden.

that is all.

the anticdote to my unhealthy school filled life and how the weekend healed me.

cleaning checks.
hot room.
hot house for that matter.
dang that heater...
missing mother.
missing sister.
wish i had no school.
hating people.
which i shouldn't do.
but it's too hard.
occasionally hating life.
but not very often.
need new music.
can't wait for ingrid.
and sara.
hate the voices.
and the noise.
like people practicing brass instruments in the hall.
who does that...
anyway.
i hate the comments.
among other things...

but what a lovely little weekend. :)

i had a mom.
and a sister.
and lots of other sisters.
shopped at target.
swam in my pool.
cuddled with my kitty.
loved seeing densley.
and haley.
bought sweater tights.
grocery shopped in my mom's storage room.
missed my dad.
played wedding games.
stayed far away from friends.
had some family love.

and now i feel healed.

how was your weekend? lovely? let's hope so. :)

while i'm thinking of it...
here's to one day...
when i'll be cleaning up a sunday dinner made for lots more than a loner, and planning out my meals for the next week.
when i'm not in a dorm, but a fixer-upper in progress. rickety boards and faded white wood.
when i've traded in roommates for a husband. that's weird.
when i have money to shop at target.
when i have way more pairs of tights than i'll ever need. wait. not possible.
when i have more tights.
when i'm graduated.
when i don't have to walk up three flights of stairs to get to my twin bed.
when i don't have a twin bed.
when i don't have a cracked iphone.
when i have experienced florence.
when i study art at the met.
when i'm actually who i'm thinking about right now.

here's to that one day in the far off future.
ugh.

happy sunday. :)

here's to one day....

maybe i'm wedding obsessed. but trust me. this picture deserves a second once a day post.
i am in love. this website is wonderful.