my beautiful friends are this beautiful:

where's my pic-i-nic basket.

i battled a stomach ache all night.
which had me waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

the good news is that logan is rainy, wet, and grey today. just the way i like it.
and i splurged on a giant box of capri suns.
im usually not one to deviate from my grocery list,
but today, it had to be done.

other than stomach problems and childhood beverages,
last night was maybe one of the best ones i've had.
my roommates and i spent our friday night on campus with the boys next door at the relay for life american cancer society fundraiser.
what an incredible cause.
the ceremony had me remembering someone special who fell victim to cancer six years ago. i can recall very vividly the time that she underwent treatment, losing all of her long hair, and bore nothing but the brightest of smiles; i hadn't recalled on her story in quite some time. she was my young, cool, stylish aunt kimmie, who played with my hair, and put lipstick on my virgin lips. i can only imagine the relationship we would have had today. 
i was shown several tender mercies of the Lord as the loved ones of survivors, and survivors themselves celebrated the strength that they had to overcome this monster of all diseases.

ohhh to be so brave.

before you believe that the event was solely a solemn and reverent thing, let me tell you that i have never had so much fun. between karaoke, and off the wall dancing, yogi bear, and boo boo made an appearance. and laughing that hard should be a daily requirement for everyone. pee your pants worthy.

needless to say,
i'll support year after year.

if we're being real...

THE PARK

Is a place we can go and forget about everything else…and occasionally judge people.

a little piece of honesty for your tuesday afternoon. found here.

"all my parts are vital."

friday mornings are serious business around here,
and there are a few things that need to be addressed.

when you have the world's most sensitive stomach, and when you wake up with fake morning sickness that makes your insides want to resign from the rest of your body...

well. that's when you think you're pregnant.

but except, i'm obviously not.
but sometimes i think i am still...
i think when i really am prego, with reeeal morning sickness, i will welcome it with open arms, like a dear old friend.
my anxious stomach is making me tougher, that's for sure.

other than all of this bod talk...

i watched this yesterday.
and got my cry in for the week.
i always cry at the end of the ireland letter when he puts his head on her shoulder.
i lose it. serious.
they're my favorite movie couple. in case you ever need to know.
and sometimes i pretend that i'm holly kennedy, and that i live her life.
except just in the ireland parts...
because remember how i'm obsessed with that place?
and remember how this is lovely? and i'm obsessed with it too? and just them, period?
okay good. i'm glad we're all remembering.

also,

grey's anatomy last night? *spoiler alert... do not continue to read if it's still fresh on your tivo...

arizona robbins. could she be any bigger of a baby?!
it's all i could think about.
suck it up, pedes doc.
and just when things get better, and she's not being a little girl anymore... really you can't keep your eyes on the road?! what is that about?!
if that baby dies... and if callie dies... ohhh my gosh.
first o'malley's accident, then izzy got weird and left, and now callie-used-to-be-o'malley is all torn up...
this show can't afford to lose another one of its best characters. even though i'll watch it until it dies no matter what...

and also, i would like to say that i think avery and little grey are fabulous together... but it won't last. because lexie and sloan are just m.t.b. {meant to be. remember it.} ...he loves her wayyy too much.

lastly, how glad am i that someone can dish karev's crap right back to him? can you say, finally?!

...can't wait until next week.


{haaaappy weekend loyal followers!}

...p.s. i looooooove you!

little love letters.

i just think this is charming.

i don't know about you... but i have a book dedicated to little letters much the same as these. because again. i think they're charming.
and you don't have to if you don't want. but just let me keep on thinking that they're wonderful.
okay?

i just thought i'd share this little lovely with you.

{happy sabbath.}

viva las christmas!

another lovely christmastime; this year we spent our holiday in las vegas.
because we love our family,
and also because there's nothing like seeing little kiddies on christmas morning. :)

how was your christmas?
i hope it was all wonderful and happy.

{happy christmasing.}

because i'm a snowfall kind of girl.

it takes a visit from jack frost for me to remember just how wonderful life can be.
i drank hot chocolate out of a red mug this morning in the comfort of home.
not dorm home.
real home.

it was lovely and everything good.

happy wintering. :)

little love letters.

i just read something.

that used to just make me cry. and now i just laugh. because it is funny. but i'm posting because i love my new life. i know. i say it often, and often is probably too much. but i really do. i love my current position. and i love that i get excited about clean laundry and wallpaper and candles. i love that i can laugh at myself when i read old love letters that are silly and weird. and contain things that i would never say today. or out loud. under any circumstance... because they're weird. i love that i'm excited to make new love letters for a different {and better i might add...} person soon. i love that i am in love with just about every single boy i see now. that didn't used to happen, but now it does because they are all just wonderful.

well most of them.

except you, you little punk that laughed when i ran into someone with my bike.
i hate you.

but back to the good things...

i love that i'm into art projects lately. art projects are fun and i wish i had the time to do them more often. i love that i live next to my best friend of eleven years and we talk about the old days lots and lots. i love that i catch a bus to school. i have missed that the last few years. it is a lot less stressful than driving. except i miss that little green car... i love the girls in 102 that have quickly become my b.f.f.'s. and i love that we have slumber parties with our matresses weekly. and yummy sunday dinners. i love canyon driving and little baby creperies in old houses downtown logan. i love love love love ingrid and can't wait to visit her soon. i secretly love one very handsome person. but he doesn't know it. it's cool... {read on for more information... ;)} and i love that true aggie night is put on by the school. i love that i miss my mom and dad, and i love that they miss me too. i love that jake and court live down the street and i can go to institute with them if i ever wake up in time... oh and i love my new life.
again.

how's your life? i hope it is just as wonderful as mine.

oh and i just want to post this too:
we made a list today in alien class. because i can't listen. i don't get it.
so miss and i make lists. on scales. of... things.

-dear bachelor number 1: you're on this list because you're dashing. and that's a good thing. it's good to be dashing. and we're obsessed with you. you have given us no other choice. obsession is the only option. thank you for breathing. and having a really great face.
-dearest darling handsome bachelor number 2: i think you're my favorite. i wish we could be friends. or maybe at lease speak real words other than just "hi". because you're great. and you donate to the cancer bucket. and you're shy. and you make me feel shy. which has been proven to mean that i think you're lovely. and sometimes you smile at me in the laundry room and i almost drop everything i'm holding, and that obviously means you think i'm great too. okay no. it doesn't. but it could. so think about it. and plus, you are very handsome. and it takes a very specific person to be classified as handsome. and you are the definition of the word. so please. just let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of france if you know what i mean.
-dear bach numero tres: you're fun. and you know every single answer in alien class. and sometimes you read your scriptures before class. i'm not attracted to you, but that's okay. please help me pass school.
-dear bachelor four: hello. i had a dream about you. plus i sat by you today. and i don't know your name. but you know mine. so i feel weird about that.
-dear bachelor number 5: 11 months and counting...

which bach are you leaning towards? :)

and p.s. happy birthday to the best little bailey mae ever! i love you cutie! you're a big six year old! kisses bae mae! love you!

i want to crawl back. inside my mother's womb. i want to shut out. all the lights. in this room.

twenty minutes.
twenty minutes of a tired mom.

after debating whether or not agriculture was a productive thing for mankind or not in my anthropology class, i hopped in the car with jake and court. we drove to salt lake where the most charming of all fairs stood waiting for us. there were innumerable ferris wheels. we ate cotton candy until it came out of our noses. we slid down big yellow slides and watched exotic animals ranging from tigers to sea lions play in a desert far from their home.


needless to say, it was lovely.

we got home around midnight. so naturally i went to see my friends.

it sure was good to see those boys again.
i really forget how much i miss them. who knows what is going to happen to me when all of them are gone.
no. i can't think about it right now.
so anyway.
after driving around in the daw family's big red van, i slid through the door at around one in the morning.
mom was asleep and i didn't want to wake her.
i hated that she was asleep though.

because all i wanted to do was talk to her face to face, and be in the same room with her.
i have taken that for granted my whole life, and i'll never do it again.
so i went and had a slumber party with my big sister watching my newest favorite moive, letters to juliet.
it just makes me smile inside.

eight thirty rolled around pretty fast saturday morning.
but i ran up the stairs to mom's bedroom as fast as i could hoping that she would already be awake.
good news. she was.
but things got bad once i told her we were leaving in about twenty minutes.
she got a sad look on her face, and i maybe started to shed some tears.
i didn't want to leave. :(

getting in the car was bad.
i just wanted to cry, but when i hugged that mom of mine, and she squeezed me tight, i held it in like the big, strong, tough girl that i always pretend i am.
even when i know that my mother won't stop waving until our car is out of sight.
i still held in all of those crocodile tears that always try to get out.
because i'm a big, strong, tough girl.
and i usually win in the fight against crocodile tears.

i hate sometimes that i live a million miles away from the life that i lived for twelve years. i hate that my new friends don't know what fort street is, or where you can find the whisper dome. i hate that i have to call my mom every time i'm frustrated and i can't just come in, throw my books on the granite counter top and say everything that's on my mind while she pauses reading her craft magazine. i hate that we communicate through a speaker without hugs, kisses, or smiles.
it sucks.
mckenzie told me on the first day that we lived here that the first step to getting over homesickness is admitting that you have it.
i haven't felt that way until this very night.
so dear mckenzie:
my name is courtney kearns, and i am sick for home.

but just in case you are worried about me...
don't be.
because i am having a blast in my new life.
i just miss my mom sometimes.
especially when room 102 makes p0t roast and it tastes just like all of those sunday nights on osborne lane.
dearest sweet mother: i miss you terribly.
love, your baby girl
courty.

here's to one day....

maybe i'm wedding obsessed. but trust me. this picture deserves a second once a day post.
i am in love. this website is wonderful.

a terrible and happy day. all at once.

on this weird afternoon, i would like to acknowledge the lovely things that have made this day a little bit better:

1. joshua radin.
2. sitting down in the elevator when there's no one else in there.
3. anthropology. lovely little class.
4. anthropologie. even if housewares are all i'm buying...
5. homophones.
6. soda pop and the big ice cubes.
7. the minty green beach cruiser plus the view of old main.
8. my intelligent life in the universe class. who knew i could earn three credits for watching signs and lilo and stitch. what a joke that class is...
9. polka dot fabric shoes. maybe they're my life these days.
10. fruit snacks that smile.

now for some brief acknowledgments:

to people on the quad: i am on a bike. and i'm not very stable with a tennis racket on my back. plus fifty pounds of books. please don't wait for me to make a sound. or fall. just move.
to repair man: thanks a bunch for bringing us a new faucet and light bulb for our refrigerator.
to becca: thanks for making our dreams a reality.
to professor glass-coffin: your name just gets me.
to english class that i have already taken: i'm way ahead of you.
to abc family: you should have stopped at the secret life of the american teenager. you're just getting lamer.
to people that can't date me for a whole year: maybe i'm in love with you. maybe.
to that 70's show: you make me very happy.
to international students: keep on filming!
to sleep: probably i should get more of you soon.

i hope your wednesday was filled with lots of students too.
love, courty.

my brother does the opposite of beat me up.

i love sister sundays.
thanks jake, court, and lauren. :)

i hope your sunday was as lovely as mine.

maybe i only brushed my teeth tonight because the toothpaste was pink and sparkly.
i might not have washed my face before i crawled into bed.
and the pilot poster in my room right now looks an awful lot like ashton kutcher.
which i'm fine with.

i hate packing up my room.
and not having new music to listen to while packing up said room.
so now i'm sitting on my bed watching while you were sleeping waiting impatiently for my life to start picking up again.
summer. please just exit with a vote of thanks already. because you're really buggin.

and plus. i'm just now thinking of things that i should maybe have for my new life in a week.
like cookie sheets.
i have never thought so hard about a cookie sheet before.

it took me about a week to decide between two bed spreads.
and i have to take the reject back to the store tomorrow.
so that puts a stitch in my day.

at least sunday was good. very good.
it was my last one as a youth of the 4th ward.
then we had our last little sunday dinner complete with a pork roast and finger leg potatoes.
and how lovely those were.

the lovelies of today were these:
i wore a new skirt.
my hair looked blonder.
i actually did my hair. you know. i didn't just brush it out and go to church with wet hair.
i did it.
i ate so much sugar i could match the sands of the sahara.
aaaand i got to paint my nails whatever color i wanted.

have a great week you trusty followers, you. mine will be filled with bittersweet moving boxes and a daunting closet full of awkward memories.