May 20, 2015

Help. I'm feeling.

It's a weird thing to be at a point in your life where you can do anything you want, but you're stuck in squares one and two until the fairy godmother shows up and grants you five wishes. (In my fantasy, it's a godmother, not a genie. And there are five wishes--not three. Because in my own fantasy, I'm the boss and I deserve my bonus wishes, honestly.)

When I am sad, I buy dainty underwear.
When I am really sad, I walk around my apartment in it and try not to bake more chocolate cake. 

I have a few big decisions to make in the next months. Having everything to do with where I'm going to end up and what I'm going to do when I get there. Each decision, I'm learning, will take a lot of heart, but heart's hard when you're ruled by your brain. 

Can't sleep again, so I scrolled old text messages and tried to convince myself that moving across the country wasn't the answer. No small feat, I'm afraid, because I stumbled across this and fell back in like with the city. And its people.

I once wrote this: 
"Thinking about The Jefferson at sunset, Arlington in the pouring rain, the handsome man who collected me at the Pentagon City metro stop, and how in the world I ever got here."

Hard to argue with it, right? 


1 comment:

  1. If you're feeling this force drawing you away to someplace (whether you know where that place is or not), there must be some underlying, subconscious reason to go.
    At least I like to think so. I'm always torn between traveling the world and staying put in western NY. It's a constant game of tug-of-war. I know that there is so much more out there, but there are probably things here (where I've always lived) that I could still discover if I settled. However, my mind and heart tell me that there will always be time for the latter.
    You may someday say to yourself again "how in the world did I ever get here?" in the place you end up next.
    You don't have to know which voids need filling, or what those voids even are. But if you still feel this drive to go elsewhere, why compromise now?


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