June 30, 2011

spoiler alert:

1. k-chen is not the best judge.
2. and probably not the best country music singer either. we need to be honest with ourselves.
3. melko is safe. completely safe. that's a no-brainer.
4. why ashley is wearing long dangly earrings, i will never know.
5. for heaven's sake, ry. this is not the place for lingerie. put some clothes on.
6. oh, look. kitten's locks are back.
7. p.s. ...is that a sticker on her chest? can't get more whit-t than that.
8. choreographed by mary... uhhh...
9. why does the rest of the world insist on keeping jordan alive on this show.
10. thesaurus reference.
11. i feel like miranda has no personality. she dropped it, and it wasn't even hot. who does that?!
12. "mirand-ER" that's the best part of cat deeley.
13. more feather dangle earrings... what is going on?!
14. my mother just informed me that modern dance makes her uncomfortable.
15. you a know you're losing interest in a dance piece when you close your eyes and try to follow the rhythmic patterns of the strings in the accompaniment.
16. ash looks like a barbie. she has barbie legs.
17. there is barely enough room for one of the-oreos in this competition. go home, baby tyce.
18. haha cat's braid. as if she didn't already look super high class.
19. just leave little C at the judge's table. he's probably less help than even kristin.
20. mom just told me that these two make her feel like she is in a magic show. love ya, nance.
21. "definitely. magic." --nance. i tell her it's the sparkly costumes.
22. not unanimous... yeah, shocker there...
23. miranda was better than ashley. how is this happening right now?
24. except, she looks like a curly mouse. that's probably why they're sending her home.
25. plus, her teeth are dracula-y.
26. chris wasn't in the woodpecker dance. that was rob. but cool, nigel.
27. you will be missed urkel.

it is terribly upsetting that there will be more than one tyce next week. again. make the madness stop.  and also, kristin chenoweth, please don't judge this show again. you're worthless.

red letters.

we have home teachers because we sometimes get stranded on our way to logan when our car breaks down. we like home teachers. home teachers can stay.

June 29, 2011

melko, maitlin, rykki, and jerice. in that order. jordan, go home.

1. again. kitten looks fierce!
2. chenoweth laugh. i'd recognize it from a mile away.
3. kristin chenoweth=eden wood in 35 years. google her.
4. ohhh kay. mr. glasses? you know nothing about anything. go away. 
5. ughhh... tyce.
6. marko is flippin' fantastic.
7. i'm not feeling the first group number. there's something about leather jackets and sunglasses that i can't take seriously.
8. yeah. you tell them, kitty!
9. {i may or may not be switching over to 16 and pregnant during commercial breaks. i don't feel exactly like myself tonight...}
10. i don't get it... is deeley sporting a wig?
11. hahahaha the lion part is killing me.
12. caspary freaks me out kind of. his eyes are too big. and way scary.
13. really? cary brothers. {by the way... just speaking from experience, never go to one of his concerts. you'll probably think about gouging your eyes out. and then you'll do it. because you hate him so much.}
14. well, that hand part was... weird. but... gold star for originality.
15. speak up, kitty cat. you're mumbling.
16. m. squared's voice makes my skin crawl. plus, her hair is looking a little d. trumpy.
17. i swear. glasses thumbs through a thesaurus during each dance to use the biggest words he can find for his speech.
18. ohhh mama cat.
19. i would pay big money to see c. deels play a "little tune".
20. i love maitlin. they're fab.
21. channeling butt dance from the days of mia michaels.
22. wouldn't have chosen alicia keys for the samba... but that's just me. and probably alicia keys. 
23. nooooo cat. that song wasn't by beyonce.
24. you chose her. probably remember her name murph.
25. woah. sorry, i fell asleep. was 3D glasses' comment relevant?
26. chris rock of SYTYCD... that would probably be a compliment if chris rock was an A-lister. i hope mitchell has an immature understanding of the pop culture food  chain.
27. "she's like a little wolverine." i'll just stop there.
28. i love urkel.
29. oh. classy hooker. that's great, tyce.
30. two alliterated adjectives: booooring, baaaad. i blame the oreo.
31. sure do love that april rhodes. but i think she's wrong.
32. i cannot stand mr. little C.
33. hold back those tears, miranda girl.
34. mare. tuck your boob in. you're exposing yourself. and it is disgusting me.
35. NAPPYTABS! two weeks in a row. third number of the season. things couldn't get better.
36. {unless someone brought back wad robson. ugh. missing him.}
37. sometimes melanie and marko make you cry when they dance. and that's just the honest truth.
38. i don't even know what to say, that was so great.
39. it is refreshing when mary murphy says something that makes sense.
40. chaps, we don't have to imagine the nightmare of nigel and mary mentioned in last week's episode. we got a front row seat to that horror flick.
41. enough with the kissing. it wasn't even funny the first time.
42. chris is a combination of tycie and a boy named brennon from my sixth grade class.
43. why is everybody scared of you, sonya? it's probably not the piercings or the mowhawk. it's probably the way you're so conservative and generic.
44. not creepy... just sonya...
45. ...anyone else notice that pause after the "so you think you can partner" comment? boys and girls, that is what we call a bad joke where no one laughs. sorry, galinda. just being honest.
46. here's the weekly plug for zooey d. ...can't wait for autumn t.v. ...
47. "oh, i'm going to go milk my cows."
48. clarice's eyes are amaze.
49. the mess is just such a cutie. i just love him so much.
50. fantasma happens between these two. they are lovely to watch.
51. adding some frankie sin, the mess and eye girl are unstoppable.
52. jess is just so classy. i might have a school girl crush on him.
53. thaaat's a spider web dress.
54. and also, it's see through.
55. plus, a little bit hoochie. 
56. who needs legs? dancers. dancers need legs.
57. enough buck in here.
58. again, nigel share the same brain. except he likes the dress.
59. for everyone's information, jess is already on broadway. just to clear things up for uninformed audiences. so we should probably stop saying that he could work on broadway. he already does, hosers.
60. this dance could be fantastic. for the love, sonya. please pick a good song for once.
61. she did. bless her.
62. that was pretty. it's the only word i can find. hooray for the dual boy names!
63. jord, come on. people must stare are you when you work the streets.
64. uhhh... did that dancing room look like a cultural hall?
66. it's not a party until kid cudi's been featured. obviously.
67. not into this one, nappy t.
68. ...but it's not your fault. it's jordan's. it is always her fault.
67. yeahhhh! get it ON, nappytabs!
68. let's count how many times C repeats himself. right now, we're up to 4 times. in one speech. no wonder he needs a thesaurus.
69. what if tadd was just completely naked under that comforter?
70. i wonder how taddy's wife feels about this dance...
71. ugh.... dee caspary again... sheild your eyes from his. because they'll eat them.
72. "i love poison". well i love jess.
73. this song is probably better fit for woodland creatures rather than multiple murder scenes.

the moral of the story is this:
melanie and marko will take over the entire competition and possibly the world, and no one will be able to stop them.    

June 28, 2011

sometimes i'm glad that it's not me. i take that back. all of the time, i'm glad that it's not me.

it almost was,
a long time ago.
but it's not anymore.
and hasn't been.
for a long time.
and for that, i am so thankful.

because it is hard enough as it is.

and if it had been me,
so long ago,
it wouldn't be me today.
which would've robbed my upbringing of  some pivotal moments thus far:
witty sarcasm,
and HSC
{to name a few}.
which would be downright tragedies in and of themselves.

it's not me.

and i have only one person to thank.
he lives upstairs, and sometimes he thinks i'm special enough to take care of.

i take that back.
all of the time, he thinks that i am special enough to take care of.

June 26, 2011

"little girl, i don't want no cherry in mine!"

sometimes my brother calls me a fat-head. 

but he also lets me sleep in his spare bedroom during finals week, get caught up on his tivo while he's at work, gives me discounts at the OG, and invites me over for sunday dinner. we still play hide and seek in the basement, and he willingly participates in pool games. he likes the bachelor and hot rod; he is well-rounded. he speaks french, but also sometimes turns into a man who hails from mexico. it is his birthday today. he's turning 25. and i don't blame you if you're jealous because he's not your brother.

happy birthday, jakey! love you!

June 25, 2011

i am a grown up. therefore, i:

-listen to norah. under every circumstance.
-distrust humankind's originality. seriously, it's getting ridiculous.
-write. and write some more. just because it feels good.
-travel when it's inconvenient--it's an opportunity to contribute to society.
-drive on an empty tank when nothing else provides a thrill.
-vow to never be among the millions to misuse a semi colon. the english language is far too sacred for a shenanigan such as this.
-keep faithful to my notepad and pen. for at the end of each day, i remember who is waiting at my bedside.
-laugh off 24 months. because it is only 24 months.

June 24, 2011

mckenzie is mad about hats.

and we're okay with that if it means fashion show at midnight.
tonight, it did.

June 23, 2011

the results. goodbye, hussy 1!

1. must we always make cat look twenty feet tall?
2. amazeon. in love with that opener.
3. someone needs to remind kitty that she's not a dancer on the show, only the host.
4. ahh! flashbacks of the cannibal dance!
5. please be in the b3.
6. peace, huss face.
7. i've said it once, i'll say it again... goooo utah girl!
8. LO-FRO! oh my gosh... miss her.
9. somebody bring back kent.
10. ooo... on the gatorade website... score...
11. "gatorade is providing..." translates to "gatorade is paying for this advertisement, so we have to do this long, boring sequence..." in marketing lingo.
12. could jordan's outfit be any trampier?
13. ivick has got to go.
14. nailed it.
15. not a fan of tycee.
16. wow, cat. look a little more unexcited...
17. where are these kids' parents? is this even legal?
18. alright. time to get the five year olds off the stage.
19. kitty's wearing a buddhist smock.
20. the bboy bbelongs on the bboulevard.
21. everyone else on this show > hussy.
22. it seems i am unimpressed with happy feet.
23. oh, what a surprise. iveta. ballroom dancing.
24. uh... that wave was gross.
25. k he is not a human, he's a reptile.
26. if ryan goes home... i will stop watching the show.
27. who are we kidding. no i won't.
28. boxhead? what the...
29. not understanding this lmfao shiz.
30. judges behind the scenes part necessary?
31. ryan. SAFE! hollar.
32. sympathetic looks brought to you by cat deeley.
32. {fun fact: c-lo's real name is larry. hahahahaha.}
33. show me some rodderick love!

34. i believe that the salvation of this show has been saved by debb reyn. three cheers for grandma d.

and that's how i feel about that.

the first of european thursdays.

new rule:
every thursday is euro-thursday.

 we took miss meg's advice, and spent an afternoon at the london market.
(thanks, meg!)

i reacquainted myself with my favorite european treats: wine gums, and bueno bars.
it was fabulous, and worth the drive. 
but what drive isn't worthwhile when it is accompanied by iron & wine, the smiths, mozella, and leads to the slc?

tonight will be spent with this friend and this friend, watching the greatest show on television. 
and hopefully kicking some hussies out of the competition.

stay tuned.

June 22, 2011

let's journal.

1. first of all, jordan's a hussy.
2. and iveta is probably forty-nine.
3. cute dress, kitty cat. 
4. LOVING that yellow lace, right?!
5. however... did she brush her hair? not sure about that.
6. by gosh, it's kathy seldon! 
7. what i wouldn't give to meet gene and donald.
8. her girly bidness on n.t.v.? low blow, rick.
9. rodderick? that's not even embarrassing... 
10. i was expecting more from that first routine. laaame.
11. they're going to milk this rodderick joke until it has been run dry.
12. nigel and mary together--awful image. 
13. k mostly just mary.
14. seeeriously can't get over that lace. 
15. let's make debb a perma-judge. she makes way more sense than the rest of them. 
16. uhhh did anyone just see that trailer for footloose? it's like falling in love with kevin bacon all over again. and i'm not even a child of the 80's. 
17. highly disappointed with these embarrassing moments. 
18. gooooo utah girl!
19. ADELE?! bril.
20. kind of like this dance. 
21. mitchell is channeling matt doane with that skinny tie/cardi combo.
22. dr. deely sounds like a reliable source. we should make her the dance doctor on call from now on.
23. missy: also a hussy.
24. really? ke$ha... for the chacha... and not to mention. THIS particular song. claaaassy.
25. oh, wadi. i wish your name was real. 
26. this fall will house some of the best nights of my life. because zooey deschanel will be a common weekly reoccurance.
27. as if we needed another reason to think iveta was crazy.
28. ...and we were blessed with two. cheetah pants. 
29. iveta's cool trick: hair extensions that remove ten years from her real age.
30. i'm not sure about nick just yet...
31. prediction: season 8 will be filled with wanna-bollies, and there will be at least one in the t20. mark my words...
32. i want debbie reynolds to be my best friend. and also my grandmother.
33. um... NAPPYTABS?! can't wait! 
34. i like steve urkel, he's one of my faves.
35. stick figure orchestra?! that's freakin' sweet. 
36. clarice=kate midds. 
37. love this song. buying this song. 
38. stace, you've done it again. 
39. cat, grow a few inches, why don't you. 
40. i read nigel's mind sometimes. it's fine. 
41. "claris", kitty cat? no. clarice.
42. hussy, and a fool.
43. david cook, everybody. less successful than his season's runner up. 
44. tadd is marriaged. did anyone else notice that shiny thing on his fingy?
45. our jord is no cyd charisse. let's just make that clear. 
46. mel and marko are my favorite couple. they are fantastic. 
47. ms. mel is missy higgins, dance version.
48. ...p.s. i want a pair of those tuxedo shoes.
49. two napptabs in one night?! best night ever! 
50. uh... bawling. loved that so much! 
51. well hello, tyce diorio lookalike...
52. it's awkward that he's got the hots for her, and she just told the world that she feels weird about him.
53. k..... that dance was awesome. 
54. oh cat-arina. your jokes are always so funny. 
55. please don't try and kiss her baby tycee... she thinks you're gross.
56. took you a while, m-squared. 
57. all in all, nappytabs takes the cake this week. as usual.

ttttthat's all, folks.

this just in:

i only need one wish.
a wish that i would spend on ryan reynolds.
it would be december 22, and he'd be in a birthday suit for the occasion.
which of course means dressed in full energy-green garb of the green lantern. insta-mask and all.

get your mind out of the gutter.
and good night.

June 21, 2011

because i'm a mormon who stands up for what i believe,

i am not embarrassed, nor do i cower before my beliefs.
i plan on marrying for love, and raising eight children to be testifying, and unafraid. 
our family will own an obnoxious SUV, occasionally be loud during church, and spend monday nights learning of our savior.
we will pay taxes, celebrate the fourth of july with hot dogs and root beer, support our troops, and vote for government officials.
we'll be late for birthday parties, and catch each other's colds, but we love each other, so our constant happiness is none of your business... unless you would like to join us. and in that case, please do! 
we'll fight over barbies and legos, sing primary songs when we're scared, but we're law abiding citizens, and i don't understand the attack on our kind.
we applaud people who write articles like this; we like people who stand up for us.
...we'd deliver casserole to them if we could.

and of all these things, we are known by most as the bud of every joke. 
and we can handle that.
because above all, we are christians, and we were taught to turn the other cheek.

and that is precisely what we'll do.

June 20, 2011

florence + the machine = worst nightmare. the dog days have only begun.

i am babysitting this week.
ruby and rowdy.

we go for walks, we throw each other in the pool, we slobber, we lick each other's faces, and we pounce on gabe, the cat.
he resents me for submitting to the dark side,
but overlooks my sin when i give him cat nip.
so basically, we're a twisted little family.
and i'm loving it. 
especially the fact that i have two adoring fans that love me even after i reject their plea for macaroni salad.
if i were them, i'd revolt.

June 19, 2011

the mayan is the devil, himself. he is self aware, and makes me cry. on purpose.

mexican food and i are acquaintances. that is all. we are not friends, nor will we ever be. when we are forced to see each other at a mutual spot, we smile politely, and continue onward. no catching up is necessary; we both feel the same way.

June 18, 2011

when faced with a decision,

never choose freddie and emma over ryan and blake. you will be severely disappointed when teen drinking and shot morale become your reality, rather than comic book characters and mr. reynolds, himself.

if you choose {unwisely} to steer yourself directly down such a path of destruction, inhale some eucalyptus spearmint bubble bath, throw on your "mind the gap" t-shirt, and snuggle up to a beagle.

all bitter feelings towards low budget films will slip soundly into the outskirts of your dreams, and you can wait another week to see the green lantern.

June 17, 2011

i'll buy you a necklace. with wheels.

when you find this:
you are first excited that your best friend thinks like you do.
but then you do this:
 and all of that excitement has shifted. because your bank account is now empty. 
due to semi-annual sales of the devil that you shamefully worship.
but that's okay. because after every bargain bone in your body has been satisfied, 
you finish off with this: 
  and you can drive home happy, dilly bar in hand.
just like old days.

{thank you for the loveliest day, kelsey g.c.; i like you.}

June 16, 2011

i have problems.

i'm addicted to reality t.v. 
doesn't matter what it is. 
i can always find a reason to watch. 

and now, apparently, i watch the glee project. 

meet my reason:

his name is cameron mitchell. 
he has a voice, and a soul; 
he wears plaid and cardigans.
at the same time.
we're planning an autumn wedding.
in other news, 
i can't sleep.
the sun ate my body today.
and also, snot is relentless. and taking over.
following at a close second are tissues discarded from the box beside me.
allergy season is wicked, team. and i'm not into that.

so i'll probably just lie on this couch getting caught up on tivo {eating ice cream and cold peaches} until the sneezing subsides. or possibly until my skin is back to its normal temperature.
 whichever comes first.

June 10, 2011

"the very first moment i beheld him, my heart was irrevocably gone."

miss jane austen, love and friendship.

my heart as been stolen.
and i fear that it is being held between the diminutive hands of a sixteen month old baby,
who refuses cliches and pants.

we are kindred spirits.

June 8, 2011

our sanity.

to the h.t.b:

if you're going to insist on wearing silver dog tags, and flat rimmed hats, i reserve the right to paint my nails in the car, and dress our son in the color pink. please, for all of our sakes, just don't.

love, your wifey.

wonderful wednesday.

klb bgv bbb,vb,fvmvmgmfvojg,h,hhl,hylh
hv jhgjnmn,mmjjszxcxcvcsdxcfdfcvfv

that was from baby o.

he has such a way with words. plus, he makes me all baby-hungry; i could kiss those chubby cheeks all day long.

it's a fabulous wednesday over here at the kearns'. the tiny humans are outnumbering the regular sized ones, which of course forces me to want a tiny human of my own. tomorrow.
just kidding.
but seriously.

baby o. 
he kind of makes me all swoony.

 william, tay, and ty.
getting their splash on.
 sometimes the rubes models for me. 
good dog, that ruby girl. 

 would you believe that this is only half of the sisters? 
because it is. 

{the title says it all. obviously.}

June 6, 2011

wash-a-ton, oregano, u-da-ho. but furrrreal.

woke up in seattle,
took on a tri-state day with miss ash and baby olli g.,
fell to a slumber in twin falls with a beagle beside me.

traveling is just my thing.
and i rock it like a champ.

good night from the shilo inn.
courty, A2, oliver grey, rowdy, and ruby.

June 3, 2011

some things i want to say to the crazy person that one day makes me his wife:

i am out of control when i vacuum.
i scream sing to phantom planet songs with my headphones in, and explore the gift i wasn't born with.
which is dancing.
it is all a highly unnecessary ritual, but i do it anyway. 
because i condone goofballing whole-heartedly.
and also,
i probably look pretty rad doing it.


birthday boy.

meet matt. 
then adore him.
it happens that way, and fast.

he wears skinny ties, and has dreamy grey eyes. 
i'm pretty sure he likes running more than cake, and his smile is simply dashing.
sometimes he'll play the piano for you, and you can sneak attack snap pictures of him.
he's got big plans for the future, ranging from international relations to family law.
if you marry him, {and you should} he'll probably travel the world with you, and dance when he does the dishes.
oh. and this just in: he has chest hair now.
he's wicked smart, and handsome too. 

plus, it's his birthday today.
and i sure do think he's something else.

catch him while you can, ladies. he'll take you places.

happy birthday, mattie! love you forever!

June 2, 2011

still blogstructioning. don't judge me.

i could kill

the person responsible for abstract writing. i hate them almost as much as i hate joy behar.