I know that this isn't the norm. I know that I don't blog every day, but for those of you out there, you faithful readers, whoever you might be, I'm blogging two days in a row. I usually don't have a lot to say. Usually I stare at the computer for a while trying to think of something brilliant. Usually it comes down to countdowns or random rambles, but today is different.
Today I have something to say.
This morning, I didn't wake up. I woke up in the bright afternoon of Sunday, June 13, 2010. This afternoon, I woke up... and not even by myself. Dad knocked on my door quietly. He told me in a soft dad sort of voice that church would begin in an hour. I responded with a yawn and walked over to the shower. I turned the knob to hot and waited for steam to rise, the way I did every other Sunday morning. It's not like I took to heart what day of the week it was, or thought of the things that I would do today. I was just concerned about the temperature of my shower. I took my time washing my hair. I got ready at a leisurely pace. I painted my face with makeup that I didn't need, and ran a hot iron across my long locks of hair, even though I didn't need to. I drove the car to church and sat down in the second row with dad... like I've done every Sunday since I can remember. Sacrament meeting is such a tender time. I read my scriptures and thought about what Christ did for us. I try to do this every week, but some weeks are just more effective than others. Today I thought about what I'd done prior to the sacrament. I didn't prepare, I didn't pray, and until the moment, I didn't think about what I would beg to be forgiven of. I didn't treat the day a special way, I just went about doing what I did every day. That's all changing from this day forward. I will think of Sundays a little bit differently now. Sunday is the day that Heavenly Father has set aside for me to think about things that really matter. Like the Atonement. And the scriptures. And Jesus Christ. I just have to say to the world, wow. If you don't know if there is a single person that loves you, I'm here to tell you that there's at least one. Jesus Christ. He is the only thing that lights up in your darkest hour. Seek him, and you will find him. Not sure how you can know him better? Not sure if you could identify him in a crowd? Neither was I at one point in my life, but today I can. And I am sure of it. Today I am sure.
We had a lesson about prayer. Prayer. A simple little word, yet don't we take it for granted? I know that I do. I kneel at my bedside because I know that I should. I think words in my head that have little meaning, and I spit them into the air. I wouldn't be surprised if they hit the ceiling every time. Maybe you're not like me. Maybe your prayers are eloquently spoken aloud. Maybe you don't pray to "be safe tonight so that no harm or accident will befall you". Maybe you are always aware of the things that you are saying because maybe you don't say your prayers just before bed time. Maybe you don't need to be reading this because your prayers don't need work. If this is you, if your prayers are perfect, I commend you and am envious. Teach me your ways. I was spiritually fed today. I learned so much about how I should pray. From this day forward, I hope that I will never say another prayer the same way twice. I want to tell my Heavenly Father things that happened to me daily even though he already knows. I want to invite him into my life because I love him. I want him to know that I love him and that I want him to be the biggest part of my life. Okay sorry. Starting to ramble.
So I'm getting home from church, already in the spiritual zone, and I sit down to watch a little video. This video inspired me.
There is no one on this earth like Stephanie Nielson.
I watched this video and cried. I wept. Not because it was sad, but because I have been so stupid. I look at this woman, this beautiful woman, and I wonder when I can be like her. I see the light of Christ in her green eyes. I see it in her understanding of her mission in life. She gets it. She knows why she's here. I envy her. I hope that one day, I can be just like her. I want to have the faith that she has. I want the determination to keep going when i know that things aren't ideal. Life isn't ideal. I should get over that. She writes what she knows and how she feels. It is so pure and honest. Oh to be such a thing. Her little family is adorable. Her children make me smile, and her husband treats her like a pearl. And we know how i feel about pearls. If I could be so lucky, I would want to have the wonderful things that she has one day. Hopefully I can live my life the way that she has so that maybe one day, I can have children of my own that make me smile and a husband that calls me his sweetheart. Maybe one day, if I live the right way, I can be as faithful as this woman is. It's a stretch, but maybe with a little practice, I can do it. So this one goes out to Stephanie. I am 18 years old. I'm starting a different life soon, and I'm scared. Help me to not be. Help me to be half the woman that you are. Help me to remember that all is well, because I sometimes forget.