December 17, 2013

Sexy things I do:

No, not that kind of sexy.

Remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie talks about how she has secret single behaviors? She likes to eat saltines with grape jelly, standing up in her kitchen while she reads Vogue magazine.

That kind of sexy.

+ The other day, I ate a Big Mac. THIS WAS THE FIRST SEXY THING I CHOSE TO DO THAT      DAY. After I ate, I sat down to watch a movie (by myself) and didn't notice until AN HOUR LATER that I had mayonnaise on the corner of my mouth. The sex appeal is unreal (the title of a song I'm writing about this exact incident).
+ If I'm lying down on a couch or a bed, reading a book or watching a movie, halfway through the book or movie, I always notice that one of my socks is off. Not both of them. Just one. And the weird part is that I never have any recollection of taking it off (sexy reference). I think this is both incredibly sexy and wildly bizarre.
+ I could spend all day watching Giuliana & Bill which I'm pretty sure is a deal breaker for men who want to propose marriage to me. ATTN: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DATE ME, PLS STOP READING THIS NOW.
+ I have an extremely strict nighttime ritual. I'm serious. Like, I never deviate. So, after I'm all ProActiv'd out, I tuck my pants into my socks, and my shirt into my pants. And then, I wrap my body in a plush blanket, and I get into my covers. And I've got this rad menthol chapstick from Bath & Body that turns my mouth white, and lemme tell ya... I just... I look SO. DAMN. GOOD. And sexy.
+ I only like pickles if they're freezing cold. And I don't like them too pickly, you know? So, I run them under the faucet, which gets rid of a majority of the juice. And then, I like to sit on the couch watching E! News, dipping said pickles in roasted pine nut hummus, and drink a glass of orange juice.
+ Today, I watched Charlie Brown on Netlix. By myself. Intentionally. SEXY ALERT.

I don't know.

P.S. I am so in love with Jason Kennedy. Who is the regular kind of sexy.

1 comment:

  1. I totally remember that episode! Doesn't Miranda say she likes to lather her hands in Vaseline and put gloves on while she watches TV? I thought it was hilarious and so true. Or hilarious because it's true.

    Your bed ritual sounds endearing and really funny to watch. DON'T EVER CHANGE!


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