September 14, 2013

I'm surfing the crimson wave.

Meaning, I'm definitely having my monthly lady party.

They're just here to tell me that they're here to mess up the rest of my systems. 
Which is why I can't stop weeping. Or screaming. Or watching The Lawrence Welk Show (that's real).
Thanks, boys. You do a swell job of shedding blood and making it all look like an accident.

And it's a blast, really, it is.

Do you ever feel like it's not even the actual thing that clues you into the fact that you're about to attend the party of the month? You know you're in trouble when you feel a paining irritation in simple, innocent questions your sweet roommates ask. Do you ever just want to scream when they come into the kitchen like, "What time are you going to be there?" and you have to actively stop yourself from throwing down the rag you've just wiped the counter with. Do you have to hold your tongue and temper before, irrationally, you yell, "I DON'T KNOW JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!!"?

...yeah, me neither...

There are a lot of things going on right now. I promise. Good things. And I'll get to them soon. But the menstrual mafia living inside of my uterus is currently at war with every other system in my body, making it impossible for me to get anything done. It is making me do the dumbest things. Like sob during that part at the end of National Treasure where Nicholas Cage and his father are finally getting along. I knoooow.

So, I'm probably about to go get a Dirty Diet Coke, because I'm in hot & heavy with it, take a hot bath, and watch every movie that Nora Ephron has ever written. Because I'm in hot & heavy with those, too.

Also, the other day, Dimples was at my apartment and he asked me for some Ibuprofen because his head hurt. There wasn't any in the medicine cabinet, so I handed him a bottle of Midol... Poor boy didn't know how to respond. He laughed nervously, like I was kidding, and I tried not to tease him. I explained that the pill's contents were simply caffein and acetaminophen. Rest assured, Golden Boy. No estrogen for you.

You should also know that I got really freaked out this week. I terrified myself. But now I feel so much better because there was a calming down. And that's because that's what I need in my life to keep me sane. So, there you go.


  1. Ugh I've been parting the red seas all week too. Finally it is calming down but I have been a mess all week. Usually I get weepy when my party rolls around butt his month I have just been the biggest jerk to every living creature. Except puppies. Which have consistently made me cry. Hormones, man. Whoremones.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  2. hahahaha!! i wish i could see EVERY boys reaction to having a bottle of Midol handed to them. and oh man.... i have just passed all of this crazy nonsense. that is the time of the month when i find myself crying during commercials. seriously body, pull yourself together.


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