things i'll never say:

"i don't eat carbs."
"i'd rather be skinny than eat jelly beans."
"no, let's save gas; we'll just walk there."
"i love the hunger games."
"do you know where i'd rather be right now? provo."
"marilyn monroe is so classy. we should all quote her." 
"a little less mayonnaise, please."
"jonah hill should've won that oscar."
"i'm super interested in listening to every detail about your boyfriend. again."
"by all means, use my silverware and then leave it for me to clean."
"you write good."
"for reals."
"i wish i lived in pocatello."
"i need a ring for every single finger on my hand."
"that is such a cute bolero."
"you go to the gym for six hours every day? here's my number."
"i deleted my facebook page. i hate looking at pictures of happy people."
"the kardashians? i'm so over them."
"temple run is a waste of time."
"could you tell me again that part about how six seconds of marriage has made you more mature?"
"ben flajnik is the man of my dreams. and his hair looks so clean."
"sexy: now that's a great word."
"africa for nine months? where do i sign up!"
"poor grammar is a turn on."
"joel mchale isn't funny."